What do you consider normal? How do you define love? Could he become dependant upon you and unable to walk or control his bodily functions? yes. Could you get Cancer? yes. Could you become paralysied from a car accident? yes. So the question is how much do you love him????

I apologize if I sounded insensitive. That was not my intention. I love him very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I do not know much about this illness. I guess "normal" was not the right word to use.

i have ms and i am a wife , mother and own my own bussiness life is only what you make it yes we have very good and bad day but who doesn't day by day is how most live ,i do have goals and it helps me a lot to make it to the next day and my hubsand loves me for me that helps also he doesn't feel sorry for me" atleast i don't think he does he put his faith in me as if i was normal, don't let ms stop you for being happy. take care always and hugs to you
katie

I think it all depend on how fast his MS progresses on what kind of life he will have.
If you are wondering what MS is like there are some wonderful websites that lists symptoms and treatments...theres also the National MS society online they have lots of info also.Its hard to say what to expect, it treats everyone differently and
he could be one of the lucky ones and have no more symptoms the rest of his life, or he could become alot worse. I wish I could say.Not even a doc can tell you what to expect.
Hugs and best wishes.
Morgaine
ps don't let his illness stand in the way of ur love for him ;)

Cali, If you contact Helen and get him on LDN right away you can live a glorious normal life together and yes I do have a way with words. I meant know harm I speak the truth any of us could be gone tomorrow.

Cali, you seemed to have walked into a little prior disagreement between two lovely ladies. They both made valid points before they got upset with each other. Not even your doctor can tell you with certainty how your disease will progress, but living as healthy as possible is always a good idea.And Bonnie was not out of line...even relationships between two completely healthy people are difficult. It would be a great idea if you and your boyfriend had an honest discussion about his MS and how it affects his life. Be well.- Jen

Cali, sometimes the things I say are so true to the point people think i'm angry I wasn't I just think about how we never know the future only God does. I truly hope you are happy and your boyfriend stays healthy, with only a few problems. My sisters husband got Cancer after ten years of marriage. He didnt smoke, he worked out, he was healthy. He almost died.

And Helen I am sorry you still have anger towards me, I am so sorry I pushed your buttons. Please forgive me?

Hi Cali,

You said it all YOU LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. Take the days as they come and enjoy. Go to MS Support Meetings with him.
Come here and ask us for info whenever you want.
Send us wedding photos and a piece of cake...
(((HUGS))) Mary

Cali,
It's totally understandable that you're concerned. Your boyfriend needs to let you in on what's going on with him. You also need to be honest with him about how you're feeling so that together you can make a decision about your future with eyes wide open...not only about the extent of his potential physical disability, but how together you are going to face life's challenges (MS and otherwise). Would you consider couples counseling before gettinng engaged? not a bad idea to get on the same page if you're open to it. Good luck, I can see how this could be very hard for both of you. Diane

Thank you all for your advice and kind words. Couples Counseling is definitely an option. I hope that counseling will help him open up about his illness and help me understand what he is going through. I have known him for 5 years. When we first met all he had was a tremor, now he has muscle stiffness and fatigue. I think he has Relapsing-Remitting, but I am not sure. He is a very private man and MS has always been a touchy subject. I brought it up again last year one evening when it took him almost 35 minutes to put his tie on. I stood there waiting for him to ask me for help, but he didn't. He kept at it until he got it. He was so frustrated. It was heartbreaking. I want him to know that I want to be informed so that I can help him and support him any way I can.

I think your original question, statements, and concerns are excellent ones. I think you were showing much compassion, care and love by asking your questions. Everyone is affected by MS differently and some have it much harder than others and some of course, easier. It would help both you and your boyfriend if he would open up to you about his MS, how he is feeling, etc. Sometimes, not always, some people may think that talking about it only makes it a burden but its wonderful to know that there is family, friends, and loved ones who care enough to ask the questions and find out information, such as yourself. I dont talk about my MS symptoms all that much either, unless I am directly asked about it. Can people live normal lives with this illness? Some can, some cannot. MS is so hard to predict. Big hug to you for asking about what you need to know and I'm wishing you lifelong happiness for you and your boyfriend.

Hugs Ellen

I wanted to add a few things. I have been struggling for 20 years to live or try to maintain what I think or feel everyone else is able to achieve..work/home/family. I am not ABLE to do that. Chronic fatigue, and other physical limitations occasionally or constantly restrict my ability to be able to do much of what I'd like to do. There are some people who have no problem with this, take it one day at a time as life comes. There are other people who, for whatever reason, cant handle daily living with another as such. I've read many instances of both sides on here. I was delighted to learn that there actually was supportive spouses and family members to those with MS or other ailments...that provided me with a new look of hope, as before I came across this website I didnt realize that there were some people who do take it in stride.

Glad you put up the post. I wish you well! Hugs Ellen

Really good question.?
Some people can lead almost normal lives with ms, for the rest of their lives. Others can go downhill really fast suddenly and for no reason at all. It would have nothing to do with living right, eating right, excerising or positive thinking. It is just the way of MS. You will never know and the doctors would never know. It happens soo slow you can hardly notice or crashing down like a train.

I think you really should weight up both options and see if you are willing to support him no matter what happens. There may even be a cure in 10 years. However he may also need a wheel chair, need to sleep 15 hours a day. You may need to help him feed himself. He may not be able to make love in the normal way. He may not be able to work and bring in good money. He will however, still be him. The man you love. So if he stays the way he is now or goes to the worst it could be will you still have enough love to stay with him.?
When you say marrige vows it is for sickness and in health, richer or for poorer. Please do not say them unless you mean it.
To say them and brake them later when he needs your support the most he as ever needed it in his life, is the most cruel.
I hope i havn't been hurtful either, but this is the truth. I really do admire the fact that you are considering all the options before taking the plunge.
Remember also, as Bonster said, none of us know when are last day is on this earth and you could even die first.
Cheerful arn't I.?

Yeah find out what kind he has. His MS shouldn't stop you from loving him more than you already do.
I have relapsing-remitting MS and I've made this far in life. And MS is not gonna stop me from moving on. It might slow me down a little but it's not gonna stop me.
Let me know what's up.

Hey Cali:

While it won;t make a difference as far as your love and commitment, I do beleive that you all need to chat about the MS and whatever else you all need to get out in the open.

I just think that it would be hard to go into a any marriage without all cards on the table. To me, I think that includes health issues. I hope that your boyfriend will share his health issues with you, and that he is not fearful.

lisa