Hi Darla,
Have you folks been to counseling? Do you think he is depressed? Would he go to counseling on his own?

I'm a pastor, and I can't tell by what you wrote if you TELL him you are praying for him all the time, etc. If so, you don't have to tell him and if it were me, I would hear "you are not an acceptable person, so I'm praying for you." That is a painful thing to hear from someone you love. Prayer is a wonderful way for us to connect with God, but we have to pray for God's will and the trust that God will find a way without us. Pray for yourself and your marriage too. Again, pray for God's will, not for what you want and trust that God will work in your best interest. Sometimes what we are asking for, isn't compatible with God's will.

You are two different people. Respect him for who is and where he is at in his own spiritual journey. It is not uncommon that people in relationship are moving at different speeds in this journey. If you decide to take my advice, don't go to him and tell him you are changing your behavior, just change and watch what will happen when he realizes you've changed. From the little bit you've written, I think he is being defensive because he feels like you are attacking him because he is not saved. Leave it God's hands.

My husband is a yeller also. It's just who he is. But it's not all of him. Now...I despise being yelled at, and being told that somethings my fault when it obviously isn't, but I am also aware of the fact, like you, that it isn't my problem.

When he get's like that, I simply stare at him, nod my head and tune him out. He's always been this way. I married him this way. Says more about me than him I guess. He's a good man, just likes to yell a lot. I'm a happy person so it can get to me at times, being around someone who snaps so quickly, but I always try to remember it's not ME. It's HIM. As long as I am willing to stay and put up with it, it will continue to happen. I can't change him. Just like he can't change me. Good luck.

Lead by example. Pray for the WILL of God, not your will. He has a mighty plan that is best for your marriage, one that you cannot even imagine. Put your trust and faith in Him to do what is best. Have you tried fasting and praying? Maybe he is very unhappy with himself right now. . not unhappy with you. Give him some room to grow, and keep praying for him and yourself. Ask God to lead you in how to handle this situation. I pray for peace in your household and peace in your heart in Jesus name.

I asked him to go to counseling with me. He said "NO!" I don't tell him that I pray for him, I just do. I'm just so tired of being called names by him. It hurts. He called me "fat ass" last night. He calls me stupid all the time. He got mad at me the other night when I was having creepy crawlie feelings on my legs. I kept moving my legs and he kept yelling at me like I could help it. I wish he would respect me more than he does. For a couple of months, he wouldn't do anything with me, we even decided to separate, but HE came back. I didn't even cry when he left that time. I was thru with him. but he came back on his own, I didn't even call him or look for him, or check on him ---nothing. But I did pray for him! I knew he needed God. It just seems like he doesn't need me.

Oh sweetie, I wish I had the words to comfort you. I can't even pretend to imagine what you must be going through. All I can say is don't give up. Giving up is like telling God you don't trust Him with your future. I'm sure it must be hard to live in a marriage where you don't feel love from your spouse. I am so sorry. But right now. . .let God be your spouse. Put all in Him. He will bring you out of this, and like I said before, let Him lead you, He will not let you down. Maybe you should get counseling through your church. I'm sure it would help. Just to have a sounding board sometimes can make a big difference. My prayers are with you.

I have been througth similar. I am also a christian and so is he.
I kept forgiving, praying, being the best I could be for him but he would just see that as a sign that his behaviour was acceptable and He continued in it.
Gradually i began to see with Gods help that living like that was very unhealthy for me and Him.
I felt beaten down and worthless in my spirit. He treated me like a door mat so I was begining to feel like one. This was so bad for my health. I had always put him first but now I had to take care of me.
I told him that he wasn't coping with life and he needed to see a Dr. Get some antidepresant meds, see if that would help.
He refused, of course. I asked wrestled with God over my marriage and began to see that even if there was no violence it was abuse. I needed to be loved by my husband and respected. Otherwise He is braking HIS wedding Vows.
I felt like God would not be happy with me if I told him to leave but then I learned that God loves me and will never forsake me.
So I finally said to my husband, If you are that unhappy with me please leave so you can be happy. You are making me so unhappy and that effects my health so I am letting you go.
He was sort of shocked. He knew how I thought about marriage being forever.
So he agreed to counceling, seeng a Dr. Taking meds. Working at being a better person.
The change was remarkable and for the better.

This is how I did it, but you need to get God's guidance for your situation.
You can not fight this battle and win. Only God can heal this marriage and He does it his way.
If a marrige is all one sided it means someone has broken their wedding vowes.
Can you live with that.?

You may get a mixed bag of advice here but it really is what you can hear God telling you.

im not going to tell you to leave him hon... that is a personal choice... but by reading your words...for example...he left for two months..and you did not ask him to come back ,,he did on his own..speaks volumes to me..

all i ask is that you remember that there is two kinds of abuse ...both physical and verbal....and one usually leads to the other... please be careful

hugs
heather

Wow thats hard.Counseling is a no.If I was you I say counseling or seperation.If he says seperation then you now how much your marriage is worth.15 years is along time and marriage is work from both partners.I hope this work for you.Life is so short dont put up if your not happy.That is just my 2 cents.
Anna

If he won't go to counseling, you go for yourself. You need coping skills and a place to vent your anger.

It can be a doc, a pastor or a mental health person.

As an old MS'er, your letter touches me and my journey. You've received some great advice from horsenut and seriphina. I worked in oncology before my illness changed my life and me, so maybe I viewed my diagnosis with gratitude and considered it an inconvenience compared to cancer patient's I had known. My prior experience also showed me that men (problem solvers) characteristically do not respond to chronic or severe illnesses as women (caretakers) are prone to do. All of us with MS know that we are too often "social downers" as tomorrow's symptoms may preclude yesterday's promises, so social butterflies we are not. My husband also is no more a perfect husband than I am a perfect wife. And like you, with a lot of down time, I talk to God a lot.

Those things having been said, and even though you are having a really rough time emotionally, it might be a good time to sit somewhere comfy with a nice cup of tea and have a good think. What do you want your husband and God to do that you can't do for yourself? Try to focus on what you can do and not focus on what you cannot do, or otherwise you paralyze yourself and limit your life unnecessarily. Your husband doesn't have MS, but he does have his own "bag of rocks" to carry in his life. He probably gets pretty frustrated that neither he nor anyone else can help you overcome this disease. Your illness and its iffy prognosis is a burden that you are trying desperately to give to God as God asks us to do, yet you are not trusting God to take this burden because you are repeatedly asking God to "fix" it. I have noticed that all of us creatures have some cross that we are asked to carry to Calvary, a cross that reminds us of our fragile humanity and makes us grow in grace and compassion towards others. Yours and my illness makes us understand the realities of many frailties God's creatures endure, giving us a link to many people and an opportunity to express true compassion. Let God change you into an instrument of His peace. Let your faith in God's will be so strong that you sing rather than cry, that you persevere rather than give up, that you smile through this infirmity rather than succumb to darkness within. Ask God's wisdom to prevail in your life, health and marriage ONCE. Then trust God with all the faith contained in a grain of mustard seed to answer your prayers in such ways as God deems wise while you quietly and faithfully keep doing all the positive things you can find to do and say. What was that funny little child's song - can't go over it, can't go round it, can't go under it, gotta go through the door. Maybe you and I just need to hold God's hand and as fearlessly as we can, go through this door God has opened to us and discover new ways of thinking and doing and feeling in a new light. Praying for your happiness, an old MS'er

Ok everyone, I just want to thank all of you for all your advice. We talked this morning and I told him how he makes me feel when he talks to me like that. He said that he knew he was wrong. I told him that I didn't expect him to change overnight, I just needed to see some change. I also told him to talk to me if I'm doing something at hurts or upsets him, so I can change too.
Now that I've thought about it, I remember what I went thru right before I gave my life to God. I was so hateful and bitter. I was hurting so bad that I told God that I hated Him and never wanted to talk to Him ever again. BUT THEN!!! God revealed Himself to me and began to speak wisdom to me concerning the things that I was going thru. It was just me in that room that day. Just me, and God! No one was there to lead me to the Lord. God Himself lead me to Him! I know that if God can do that for me, He can do that for hubbie too! Maybe hubbie is so mean right now because God is got him right were He wants him. Now I'm just gonna trust God and wait for the "BUT GOD" to move in hubbie's life like He did mine. :0) Thanks again all! Love Darla

PS. Sherrie! I loved your comment when you said that "Giving up is like telling God that you don't trust Him with your future."
That is so true!
God bless you all!

The MS Society has a lot of information for couples. It's worth giving them a call and talking to someone there. They also can help with counseling as well. I am so sorry to hear you are in this situation. I think it is hard for couples where one person is becoming or has become disabled. It is very hard to see it happen for the person that is healthy. Good luck to you, I wish you only the best and I hope that you can find some solution to this situation.