The thing I feared the most happened today, I went for a walk with my girls and I fell pulling my four year old who was holding my hand down with me. I feel like I am becoming a liability to my family anymore, I feel self centered and self serving, dictating to everyone what I can and can't do thats why we can't do it. Because they won't do somethings unless I go too and I just cant anymore. I feel worse than ever today. I got an email from my old best friend in America the other day, he told me his partner of 11 years who was also a good friend of mine passed away, and that he also was sick, that he has A.I.D.S and is dying. And all I could think was you selfish cow, here you have been whining over some aches and pains and limited things you can do and here your best friend who you have not spoken to in 10 years is dying, alone with no one there to help and who also has to grieve as well as care for himself. That really put things in prospective for me.I may feel bad, really really rotten but I will be here tomorrow. I cant say the same for Matthew, there is no guarantees with AIDS.
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