
Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group
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Cognitive Issues of Am I Just a Slacker?

deleted_user
Ok. I've been at my job two years and I'm about ti have my annual review. Last year, I basically got a "B" that came with a raise and a bonus. There was a lot of positive feedback and some room for improvement which I genuinely appreciated.
It's part of my company's policy to solicit feedback in writing from colleagues which the reviewed employee gets to read. Last year, they were all good with a few mentions of deadline issues. This year, I basically got either a D or an F--I'll find out when my review happens tomorrow morning. I went online and read all the feedback from colleagues and it is consistently bad in all the same areas. They say I am disorganized, can't meet a deadline, don't plan properly, have a sense of urgency when it could have been avoided, make more work for others in my department, have less to do than anyone else but seem to have more trouble getting things done, blame others for my lateness, etc. Ugh.
As you can imagine, this was very difficult to read and now I want to either cry or walk out.
So, it's been a rough year. My ex hit my son which resulted in a restraining order and DSS involvement and I was diagnosed with MS. So, under normal conditions, I might be a bit stressed and distracted and my poor performance could be a result of that. Or, is it the MS? I was only dx'd a couple months ago, but I know I've had it for a while without knowing it. Is my lack of organization, missed deadlines and general feeling of being overwhelmed MS? Or am I just a bad employee?
My boss knows about the MS as do the other people in my department. I do NOT think this is discrimination because I work for a great company and this has not been the response when others have serious illnesses like cancer. But, do I bring up the MS during my review tomorrow?
Also, what happens if I can't "fix" the things I need to fix? What happens if I am just not as sharp as I used to be because of the MS?
I am mortified and frightened and angry and I wanted to vent, share, and solicit feedback from others who might understand.
It's part of my company's policy to solicit feedback in writing from colleagues which the reviewed employee gets to read. Last year, they were all good with a few mentions of deadline issues. This year, I basically got either a D or an F--I'll find out when my review happens tomorrow morning. I went online and read all the feedback from colleagues and it is consistently bad in all the same areas. They say I am disorganized, can't meet a deadline, don't plan properly, have a sense of urgency when it could have been avoided, make more work for others in my department, have less to do than anyone else but seem to have more trouble getting things done, blame others for my lateness, etc. Ugh.
As you can imagine, this was very difficult to read and now I want to either cry or walk out.
So, it's been a rough year. My ex hit my son which resulted in a restraining order and DSS involvement and I was diagnosed with MS. So, under normal conditions, I might be a bit stressed and distracted and my poor performance could be a result of that. Or, is it the MS? I was only dx'd a couple months ago, but I know I've had it for a while without knowing it. Is my lack of organization, missed deadlines and general feeling of being overwhelmed MS? Or am I just a bad employee?
My boss knows about the MS as do the other people in my department. I do NOT think this is discrimination because I work for a great company and this has not been the response when others have serious illnesses like cancer. But, do I bring up the MS during my review tomorrow?
Also, what happens if I can't "fix" the things I need to fix? What happens if I am just not as sharp as I used to be because of the MS?
I am mortified and frightened and angry and I wanted to vent, share, and solicit feedback from others who might understand.
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If it were me, I would not necessarily "blame" the MS for what is happening at work because I wouldn't want to give my employer any reason to think that I couldn't improve my performace going forward.
You might mention that you've read the feedback and that you'd like to take the opporunity to work to improve on your organization, scheduling, etc. in the coming year. In a sense you appreciate the feedback, even if negative, because it clearly defines what you should be working towards in the coming year.
You certainly should not feel that it would be bad to mention either the MS or the home situation as explainations for why you may have been distracted recently, they are real parts of your life that most certainly will have impacted every part of your life, including your work.
I know that it isn't legal or proper for employers to hold an illness or bad domestic situation against you, but I fear that blaming those things for your performance rather than taking responsibility for it and promising to try to improve could happen.
People who don't live with what you live with don't necessarily understand how much you life is impacted and might not understand that you are still a completely capable person.
Good luck!
I got to stay in my job for 10 years because I had to have everything written down & basically did everything on a schedule.
I did not have a neuro-pysch test done till after I was on disability. That may be your next step
This way they can not use the MS as a weapon in the future agaisnt you... if that makes sense.... i hope im explaining myself properly here....sigh...
hugs
heather
About a year before I was dignosed, my wife and mom both thought I should get tested for ADHD as I was always forgetting things and got distracted very easily. I have certainly gotten lazier and have less ambition as I've gotten older. But a lot of these things have plagued me since I was a teen, maybe younger. Is it all MS-related? I don't know. I'm not certain if when my foot hurts has anything to do with my MS. A lot of it's guessing. Whether it is or not doesn't matter. It's getting a little worse and you recognize it, so you can take steps to keep it to a minimum. You already know what they are.
And I think you have the right attitude about your company. If you take the steps you're talking about taking, thing will get better and your performance will improve and everybody will notice. Be well!
I think it is MS which is causing your probems. With doing things a diffenant way and getting help from a Dr. You may be able to keep on working along time yet.
Hang in there