But You Look So Good -
http://multiplesclerosissucks.com/aphorism.html

If you have MS, you've probably heard at least some of these tried and trusted aphorisms. If you've had MS for long enough, you've learned to hate them. Here's what they really mean, and what you could say in return if you're brave enough and don't mind alienating people by saying what you really think.

When somebody says:

"But you look so good!"

What they really mean is:

"You can't be sick, you're just faking it."

What you should say is:

1. "Then why do I feel so bad?"
2. "You on the other hand look terrible. Have you been hitting the Twinkies a little hard lately?"
3. "If ignorance is bliss, you must be happy as a clam."
4. "You know, if brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow the wax out of your ears."

When somebody says:

"I know this person who has MS. She leads a perfectly normal life."

What they really mean is:

"Why can't you? Quit whining about it."

What you should say is:

1. "That's what she wants you to believe."
2. "Obviously she's one of the lucky ones."
3. "I guess that the holes in my brain and the $10,000 per year that I spend on medication are figments of my imagination then."
4. "I've never been there, but the brochure looks nice."

When somebody says:

"I know this person who has MS. She's in a wheelchair."

What they really mean is:

"You're not. Obviously you're not sick."

What you should say is:

1. "Thank you for reminding me about my future. I'll just go shoot myself now and save all of the bother."
2. "Obviously she's one of the unlucky ones."
3. "Been there. Done that. Got the f*cking T-shirt."
4. "Aren't we the Little Ray of Sunshine now then?"

When somebody says:

"I get tired too."

What they really mean is:

"Come on, you must be faking it."

What you should say is:

1. "I can see that, you look like the Wreck of the Hesperus."
2. "You should go see your doctor. You probably have MS."
3. "Really, are you on drugs for that too?"
4. "If intelligence is hereditary, you must be a double recessive."

When somebody says:

"I need a scooter like yours."

What they really mean is:

"Come on, you really must be faking it."

What you should say is:

1. "You can have mine if you'll take my disability too."
2. "Step in front of me and say that."
3. "Really, is stupidity considered a disability now?"
4. "Come here and let me breathe on you. You'll need one in no time."

When somebody says:

"I don't have time to be sick."

What they really mean is:

"I'm stronger than you. You're just a loser."

What you should say is:

1. "Then you've obviously never really been sick yet."
2. "I'll remember that next time I can't walk."
3. "Does it hurt to have the surgery to remove your head from up your *ss?"
4. "Step a little closer to me and I'll send you to the Emergency Room."

When somebody says:

"You're so lucky not to have to work."

What they really mean is:

"Congratulations on working the system."

What you should say is:

1. "Being on the poverty line is so much fun."
2. "The best part about it is not having to be around jerks like you."
3. "What makes you think that hanging around doctors' offices isn't work?"
4. "It's so gratifying to pay into the system for so long just to get a pittance in return."

When somebody says:

"You're so lucky to park in handicapped spots."

What they really mean is:

"Congratulations on really working the system."

What you should say is:

1. "Take my MS and you can have my parking spot."
2. "I bet you've never even heard of Uthoff's phenomenon."
3. "Yes, the ADA makes sure that we can boldly go where everybody else had been before."
4. "I wouldn't mind if they weren't always full of idiots without handicapped tags."

When somebody says:

"It's all a matter of attitude."

What they really mean is:

"I don't believe you're really sick."

What you should say is:

1. "Then I guess I'm wasting my time with all these doctors."
2. "Then I guess I'm wasting my money with all these drugs."
3. "Is that a cure for cancer too?"
4. "Yes, and you're not helping mine."

When somebody says:

"It could be worse. You could have something really bad like cancer."

What they really mean is:

"You're making a lot of fuss about nothing."

What you should say is:

1. "But they understand what causes that."
2. "In that case, I guess walking is really over-rated then."
3. "I'll remember that next time I have a relapse."
4. "At least that's fatal. I wouldn't have to listen to people like you then."

When somebody says:

"God doesn't give us more than we can handle."

What they really mean is:

"Quit whining and deal with it."

What you should say is:

1. "God's telling me now that you can handle a broken neck. Come a little closer."
2. "That's because people who can't handle it die."
3. "That's just a rationalization created by people who haven't discovered alcohol."
4. "Marcus Aurelius sucks."

When somebody says:

"Don't your injections make you feel better?"

What they really mean is:

"You must be cured now."

What you should say is:

1. "No, they make me feel like sh*t."
2. "Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. This is not one of those cases. But the injections suck, just the same."
3. "Having flu symptoms 2 days a week is trivial compared to MS."
4. "I guess the Hippocratic Oath doesn't apply to people like me."

When somebody who has MS says:

"I'm not going to let MS beat me."

What they really mean is:

"I'm totally clueless."

What you should say is:

1. "Shall I go stand in traffic and say "I'm not going to let it beat me" then?"
2. "I'll get that put on your tombstone, then shall I?"
3. "Obviously the brain damage cause by your MS is pretty advanced."
4. "I think I can. I think I can."

When somebody who has MS says:

"I'm going to fight this."

What they really mean is:

"You, on the other hand, choose to wallow in despair."

What you should say is:

1. "With what, pray tell? I left my AK-47 in my other pants."
2. "Who do you think you are, Arnold Schwartzenegger?"
3. "All the way to City Hall?"
4. "That definitely goes on your tombstone."

When somebody who has MS says:

"I have MS, but it doesn't have me!"

What they really mean is:

"I'm going to go on ignoring MS as long as I can."

What you should say is:

1. "That just goes to show that we should never underestimate the human capacity for self-delusion."
2. "There's nothing like a little semantic shell-game for providing a false sense of security."
3. "How does it feel to be a Charter Member of the Head In The Sand Club?"
4. "As the great philosopher Scooby Doo once said: Rotsa Ruck!"