ahhh ((((hugz))) u are great husband for looking for advice, I can see u trying,and it makes me smile...sooo what my hubby does to help me, well he washes my hair it feels so wonderful...and he puts love into it.He helps with dishes and housework...lets me take naps..body massages are always welcomed and nice...just be gentle,he runs me a warm(not hot) bubble bath on occasion he lets me vent and rant about how I feel...he went to counseling...he holds me and tells me he loves me and that I am no less a woman in his eyes...
hope this helps
Hugz
Morgaine

wow your wife is very lucky to have a husband who cares enough to ask for advice in helping her.
if i could change only one thing about my husband that would help me with my m.s. it would be that he fully understand that when i say i'm not up to doing something(cooking,going out,disciplining the kids,whatever)that means i'm really not up to doing it.and the importance of the task has nothing to do with weather or not i am up to doing it.
i'm guessing from your post that you do understand your wifes limitations

My brother in law takes Avonex too. He takes advil in the morning before the shot and again later after. Also the company that makes it told him to make sure it reaches room temperature before taking it. He no longer gets the flu like symptoms, but he does feel more tired that day.

you're on the right track. Google is your friend. There's a lot of information out there now.

hmmmm....well my husband always makes sure i am comfortable....if I don't feel well or toooooo tired he takes over with everything which is my guilt because I want to do more but can't....well....keep supporting your wife....constantly tell her that u care.....constantly appreciate her.......and think about researching everything about the disease....good luck!!!!

Hi, First you have a great attitude this will be great for wife. My hubby helps me with food shopping,gets my gas, when my feet go numb he rubs them. He tries to help me conserve energy and I love when he goes to MS Support Meetings with me.
Keep checking in as you have ?'s we will try to help. ask your wife to join too.

all the advice you have been given is wonderful... my husband is on the ball with all of it...especially this week... but if i may offer one more peice of advice...

if your wife insists on doing something...even a small chore...and says that she feels up to it...

allow her to do it... give her that independance and dignity to be able to help out even in a small way...sigh..there is a big difference between being there for her...and helping her out and taking total control and making her feel totally useless and like she is going to break if she moves at all...grin.. nope not like it is like that around here at all...lol

she will let you know when she has had enough...communication is the key factor there...

now if i could just get my husband a hearing aid...i would be all set...grin..

glad to see you on board..

hugs
heather

Thank you for the detailed suggestions. That is the kind of list a guy needs.
Counsellings together has helped to understand some of the emotional side of things, which is still pretty much an alien concept to me. I still get caught completely by surprise too often. Or I just flat out can not reconcile the tone I hear with the words of a statement, like when No really means yes(and it should have been obvious), or was it the other way around?
Reading some of the discussions helps to understand what it like for some other people suffering with MS.

It has been hard for her to slow down from supermom to being a mere mortal. Before she could get thru almost anything with positive thinking and sheer will power. But this is different, powering thru pain may have serious repercussions and there may be a price to pay for days. It is difficult to suggest she should slow down without her feelings getting hurt. But she is getting the hang of taking naps! This is good. Letting the housework go has been hard for her, especially when my mother came to visit, but that's a different story.

The guilt thing confounds me. She has periods of extreme guilt somehow for something she did not choose, and does not want. This leads to strangeness. I try to take on more around the house, and the kids have stepped up. I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home, but I have to be careful to keep focused enough on work to pay the bills and keep the insurance paid. I can not imagine what this would be like without good insurance.

The line between helping out, control, and making her feel useless is a morphing nebulous area. Has anyone found a rewind button around here? It sure would come in handy once in a while when I thought I was trying to help!

I'll check with the local nurse that does the Avonex injection to make sure it is at room temperature, they may be skipping that step, that was a good hint.

I hope she will join the when she gets back from her business trip. She has started a business that she has dreamed about for years, but feels cheated, because just as the kids are growing up and she thought this was her time, MS hit. She schedules the trips when she is able bodied. She is brave.

Thanks to each of you for your care and guidance.

A Rewind Button? Oh, I like that. Yes, I found one.

It sounds like you are a wonderful and caring husband. There is allot of great advice already here, but the thing I noticed my husband just Does instead of asking if I want him to (cause I always say no too). Like if I seem tired, and not feeling well, he'll say lets order pizza, or lets go out. I notice you do not have young children, so that is a huge help there too. I sill try to do all the household stuff, but, he knows why the laundry didn't get folded, and just digs through the clean basket, etc. He doesn't mind having microwave dinners, etc. Since he is a restaurant mgr, people will ask me who does the cooking at your house, I jokingly say "stouffers". Luckily, my hubby does not dwell on my situation, he just does what needs done. I often feel guilty since I have not worked in 10 years, and he works 10-13 hour days. But the advantage there is I am home with our son! Anyway, I am rambling, but just keep loving her, and let her know that you do, no matter what! To me, that is always a help to know that! Best Wishes. We are all here for you!

One thing that hasn't been brought up is that Avonex can cause depression and sadness. I don't know if that is something that has been addressed in your counseling sessions, but it sounds like your wife could be suffering from depression. Just being diagnosed and living with the disease is enough to make you depressed, but I wonder if the Avonex is making it worse. It's worth asking her doctor about it, if she hasn't already.

Yes to TaraP's comment. It is hard to sort out the reasonable sadness and shock from the dx, from changes to the body causing strange effects, from side effects from the medications. She is a real trooper sticking with the injections for a year, but if the side effects do not relent, then we will look at alternatives. The depression can be severe one moment and gone the next.

glad ur seeking counseling that really helps...also I have to agree with what was stated if she feels up to doing something then let her...it makes my self esteem go up. Ahh the guilt well the guilt is from not being able to do what u used to be able to do and want to do and can't. I know theres not much sense there but its a biggie. Tara had a point I am on wellbutrin for depression I think almost all MS patients eventually get put on meds for depression...that may be something to look into for her ups and downs, might level her out some ;)
hugz
Morgaine

She is taking Bupropion/wellbutrin, and that seems to help, the dose has been changed.

Learning how to help enough, but not too much and insulting her dignity is tough. As Heather said, communication is the key. The problem is we speak completely different languages, but the trick is we use the same words ... Add to that the "word mix ups" and chaos can prevail. We are working on it. The housework is shared pretty well, she cooks for us when she can, and she is a great cook, and we fend for ourselves when she is not able. Sometimes the kids and I have a stand off to see who is the hungriest and willing to cook, but that does not last long as we describe dishes we like, someone caves in quickly. One bright note with our oldest girl, she is mildly autistic and tends to be obsessive compulsive. Believe it or not, she is allowed to use the vacuum cleaner as a reward for good behavior!

The response and support from everyone has been wonderful, thanks to all of you!

WOW! Your wife is lucky to have you!! Stay strong, don't get frustrated. You are on the right track.