ok for starters i want to apologize up front for the length of this post, i think it might be long. no one here really knows any of my parts, or how they interact, so ill explain them , and my feeelings of whats to come. starting from youngest to oldest. #1. baby joey, age 3, wants constant attention. physical touch, someone to hold him rock him, sing to him, pamper him, mother him. wants to wear diapers and drink from a bottle. wants no responsibility, has no intrest in growing up. #2. little joey, age 6, wants candy and mothering. wants constant stimulation. wants to play with other little kids. craves constant praise. worries about being a good kid. wants to know your happy with him and proud of him. #3. joey. age 9, same as little joey but also loves to take care of little ones. wants a little more independence to explore around him. #4. joe. me, the body. im 37, but thats all relative to where im at at the moment. im very even keeled emotionally. looks like i have it all together. dont get mad or cry. very stable seeming. very calm cool and collected. smart, well read, polite. dont yell, or cuss or fight. gentelman, good listener, empathetic. watchfull. dont live in the moment much cos im to busy watching everyone trying to keep myself safe. planning, thinking, rehashing, remembering. #5. joseph, age 18, angry, mad, scowling, joseph is the one who takes all the crap people have dished out to him over the years. he never gets any love. he thinks he is a bad boy. keeps everyone at arms length. never happy. underneath it he is scared, hurt, sad lonely. wants nice human touch and uneraction, but doesnt trust, so pushes it away. he is very jealous of little and baby joey, cos they get all the good things, and people like them, at the same time he knows he must prtect them cos they are his last chance at a life of happyness. #6. "he" or "him" (we dasnt say his name), age ?, a lot like joseph, but he is never ever let out. afraid of him and what he might do. he might actually kill someone. dont know for sure. he hates, he doesnt think he is real, he doesnt think others are real either. some times he comes out in joseph, but only in voice. sarcastic and cynical, negative. he has given up hope long ago. wont trust or try to love or be loved. no hope in this one. he scares us all, we wont say his name, it makes him aware, and closer to the surface. talking about any of my alters makes them more aware, and brings them closer to the surface. "he" comes out in my sleep, dreams are about him interacting sometimes, bad, badm, bad. also i wake my self up punching, bitting, screaming, yelling violent obscenities. " ill fucking kill you, you fucking bitch whore!!!" yikes, he is scary. my thoughts are about a revolution that seems to be coming. or at least a change. joseph and "him" are tired of getting the short end of the stick so to speak. worried about what will take place. the order muyst be preserved at alll cost. little ones are afraid of bigger mean ones. big one jealous of littles but the weay it is is the only way it will work, chaos will reign if it changes. my therapist asked me one day who in my life had shown me unconditional love, or i would have most likely become a serial killer. that sounds like "he" thinkling of "him" gives me images of death, pain, murder, torture, breakdown of moral fiber. and things unseen, unnamed, better off that way. but feces, urine, humiliation, torture, rape, and even worse, i wont go asny further into description. any thoughts? ideas? am i evil? should i end my life to make sure "he" doesnt come out? please help me. "the "j's" (joe, joey and joseph)
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