I talked to James about my feelings recently and he was really great, cause I told him that when I'm out I always have to carry on with everyone elses projects but that I never did anything that I wanted to do. Now that I have got as far as I can with helping everyone else with their projects, there is nothing more that I can do etc etc etc. James said that I need to start my own project, but I didn't know what I wanted to do until now. I thought about going back to college, but I couldn't decide whether I wanted to study fashion design or social care, and I wouldn't really enjoy either of those in the long term anyway cause I hate sewing and I can't drive and you need to drive to be a socialworker. So I looked on the internet and I think I have found the perfect career. I can do it anytime I want, I don't have to work if I don't want to, and I think I will enjoy it, so I applied to some companies and they said that they will get back to me with assignments. I'm so excited, I've never done anything positive that is just for me before and I like this feeling a lot. I don't feel like I'm a slave to all my other alters, I feel validated if you know what I mean, and when Angel comes back, I'll be able to show her that I'm not just a waster trying to ruin her life, (I'm clumsy sometimes and I don't like any of her stuck up friends). I feel really positive and good about myself, I think this is what real confidence and hope feels like, and I like it.
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