So I went to therapy yesterday and we discussed something in much detail then we have done before. It was in regards to physical contact/affection and how it makes me feel gross/disgusting/dirty and that it's wrong/bad - basically I just HATE it and cannot stand it. It was very hard for me to remain grounded. But anyway. I talked about how I haven't told anyone about it, even my boyfriend and it causes so much anxiety being around people plus the digust and repulsion towards myself. I have to take showers and scrub myself 'clean' when I get home, which is hard when someone hugs me and I cannot go home right away. I've had breakdowns over being kissed by my boyfriend. It's really ruining my life. I was wondering if anyone has ever overcome this? If so, how? I do want to be able to be hugged and kissed, I want to be like everyone else...and while I hate using the word, normal.
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I’m so confused and I need a friend