ok, not sure how to explain this, i think i was dreaming but i'm not sure. it might have been that altered state of consciousness between being alert and dreaming. or maybe it was a dream, i'm unsure, some aspects were dreams i'm sure - some elderly man was dying of cancer - that's never happened to anyone i know, odd but true.

so anyway, the part that puzzles me and didn't feel like a dream involved several people, of various ages and gender all talking to one man named allen. i don't know anyone by that name, i think the last allen i knew was in middle school. the allen in the 'dream,' was obviously a leader of sorts. he was trying to answer the people around him who were agitated and concerned about something but i couldn't figure out what. i had a difficult time seeing him because he was to my left but oh this is hard to describe, not far enough away for me to see clearly, it was as if we were somehow attached. he was wearing a shirt that looks a lot like a blouse i own, an odd item for me really. it's a regular button front shirt type blouse, white with yellow pin stripes. his hair is strawberry blonde, whispy, and he is balding on top. i don't know what color his eyes are but someone in the group has amazingly dark blue eyes - i know those eyes but can't remember who's they are - someone i know, or knew had eyes like that. not me, mine are hazel and subject to change frequently between blue, gray, brown, green and a mixture of them.

okay anyone have any insight i'd appreciate it. oh, and i found myself thinking i might die today, wtf is that about? i'm depressed but not suicidal. and i'm not 'crazy,' haven't lost touch with reality.