I didn't think I'd be back. I think maybe I've been misunderstood. I love my mother. I wish she could love me back. I have had some questionable messages and it hurts. My mother left ME. I was 5 yrs. old. She got pregnant at 16 on purpose as to marry into a well to do family. Yes, my father abused her. He also very much abused us girls. He abused me in many different ways. Then he married a "gold digger" wife, who brought along 2 of her own children. I was ecstatic to find my mother 11 yrs. ago. Then she began pushing me away every month or so. My girls are teens now, and they in turn have been hurt by it. So, the decision to stop seeing my mother WAS and IS one of the hardest decision I've had to make. It was confusing and frustrating and it made healing even more difficult. I've never really had a mother who was normal or even partly normal. There were times when I thought maybe God was punishing me. He gave me two chances of being a good daughter and I messed that up.... so I thought. There are times when I need help with my 3 children or advice on my marriage or whatever's. I've had to watch and accept advice from other's, but it will never replace my mother. Today I've been crying and trying to deal with the grief of losing both parents. Parents who shouldn't have been parents. I write all this hoping for a better response. Please don't judge me. I'm doing the best I can.... saramc
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