Maybe it's been the worry of how I would feel this first Mother's Day - anticipating it so far in advance that I'm braced for it? Maybe, it's going to hit later on in the weekend. Or maybe I'm prepared for this? I don't know why but the past two days or so, I've become either numb or less "something" emotionally about Mother's Day. Maybe, accepting. Maybe every day has become a motherless Mother's Day for me. I don't need the "day" to feel the loss - just looking at her picture - any day. But I don't feel something - unless it's going to hit this weekend. Am I numb? Is it because the past two Mother's Days Mom was bedbound an didn't know it was Mother's Day? But she was here. Everyday is a motherless Mother's Day - not just in May. Maybe, that's it.
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