This is the worst that I have felt since the first few days that mom passed and we were going through the motions. Right now I can not describe the unbearable emotional and physical pain that has taken hold of me. I want my mom more than ever (my dad also). I know that she is not in pain but I NEED her so badly right now. I need to hear her comforting voice, her loving voice and her assurance that life will be ok - that there is still hope. My insides are shaking and my chest hurts. My nerves are a mess and I can not force myself to do anything but go to work and that is only so that I can have a place to live and pay the bills. I am simply existing right now and barely at that. I know that I need a counselor but you see, that takes energy and I have none. Taking a shower is a major chore for me right now. My house is a wreck and I never let it get that way before. I never left my bed unmade and can't think the last time I made it now. I just want my mom. I want to be ok again. I hate how I feel and know that mom would hate how I am but I don't seem to have any control anymore and that scares me. Life scares me and I have never run from life before and been scared. I am tough as my dad always said, but not now. I am just lost. Thanks for listening, Sharon
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