I miss my mom more than ever. I can not make myself to look at her pictures and to REALLY think about what life was like with her. I miss her so much but am so tired of how I am feeling. I know she would not be happy with how I am now and she would be so worried. I imagine her looking down on me and telling me I will be ok. But right now, I don't feel like I will ever be ok. I don't have the energy to make simple decisions in my own life. I go to work and make decisions there, but when I get home, I collapse and the most I can do is to crochet and now again, I am going to lay down. I find no joy in anything I do now. I worry more about my son and have no mother to talk to even though I protected her from much of his problems, she knew a lot and was a huge believer in him. My kids are grown, but she is going to miss so much with them as my dad has that passed almost nine year ago did. I am tired of the tears and the frustration. I am just really sad and the hurt will not go away. I want to smile again and can't even find the strength to do this. And to look at my house, you would think ten people live here and not just one. I just want a normal life, whatever that is, again. I want to remember mom without pain, without tears and only the trememdous love and respect that I always had for the way she lived her life. I feel like I am the only one of the 7 kids that is doing this badly and I wonder why. Thanks for listening and now, I will lay down again and pray for sleep so that I do not have to feel anymore sadness right now. Sharon
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