The morning of my last birthday I had a dream. Mom and I were talking. I don't know what we talked about and I don't know where she was. We were just having a conversation. We weren't on the phone and she wasn't with me, but I could imagine her in the dream. Seemed like she was someplace that I couldn't get to. She did most of the talking, like usual:) I think in the dream I was standing near my closet where her mini urn is stored away. And whenever I recall the dream, I always envision my closet area. Anyway, when I woke up, it was my birthday and I remember feeling good. Like things were right or OK. I felt a little bit of relief because she wasn't mad at me for anything in the dream. It was reassuring to me. I never dreamed about her after her death except for that day, my birthday. I believe she gave me one last gift. I was hesitant at first to tell anyone about my dream because it sounds so cliche, the dead coming back in a dream - mysterious. But it wasn't like that. She just reassured me that everything was ok, and I didn't have to feel bad or guilty, and to just keep taking care of my boys and keep my family together. It was almost like a pat on the head. She didn't seem happy or sad, but just comfortable and at peace, which was rare for her. She had no problems to worry about which I've never seen in her before ever. So she was definitely different than how she was alive, but it was still her. I think the reason why I don't know what she was talking about is because it was irrelevant WHAT she said. It was her being there to comfort me on that specific day that was important. Mom still loves me. And she's looking out for me. But she's not judgemental anymore so I almost don't know her, lol. She's a soft warm breeze, no longer a hurricane. Now that I know that she's not going to haunt me (like she said she would, lol) maybe I should start working on easing up on my own judgemental ways and stop being so hard on myself. She has.
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