Hi everyone. I came here while browsing the discussion groups after posting on another topic.. I am so glad to have found you.. I lost my mom 15 months ago to non hogkins lymphoma. mom was the healthies person you ever wanted to meet and for this cancer to come out of nowhere and put her through so much pain and suffering was beyond comprehension.. a very vibrant, loving, happy person just retired, enjoying traveling with my dad. Celebrated 40 yrs. and then .. the unthinkable. At first it was a shock of course, (had back troubles, eventually leading to scan which led to the diagnosis) but she embaced the challange, even after she was losing all her hair, the weekly chemo's , the intense pain.. all the badness that went with it, she fought till the bitter end,.. a serious of major dissapointments when this chemo didn't work and that chemo didn't work and the masses were everywhere, taking over, the next to zero platelets, the transfusions, the hospital stays.. finaly, after her kidneys were failing and she was admitted into ICU, we all new the end was near.. and inside, I secretly wanted to to come now.. because this woman had gone through so much pain and incredible suffering, why try to prolong the inevitable?? She wasent' really there anymore, they kept coming in and pricking her fingers to check levels.. her fingers bruised , black and blue, her body failing, slowly dieing, nothin could save her.. only perhaps maybe keep her alive for a day or two... she kept saying (when she did speak) "I want to go home".. Did she mean home to the house or to Gods house.. I prayed it was God's house.. We moved her the hospice wing of the hospital through a long corridor.. a big pink room. We brought up her favorite music and played it for her.. dad stayed thorughout the night. people came to say goodbyes. she was blessed by a priest.. we hopefully made her as comfortable as possible.. I believe that she hung on until her 1st born son, Chuck came in from California that night.. we were all there, her husband, kids, sister... and then, she took her final breath.. I was still drinking back then and I continued to until about 9 months ago.. I know that she had always wanted me to get sober, to live the life that was much better than the one I was "living".. it took a while but I did stop drinking and now that the fog has sort of lifted, I am amazed at the reality of her being gone and how much I miss her and love her.. I wish I could go back and change certain things but I cannot.. I wish I could go work out with her ... go shopping , sit and talk.. hang out with the grandkids.. but I can't with her.. I can only do what I think is the next right thing.. and always keep her close in my heart.. I believe she would be proud of me today and the accomplishments I have made while sober.. I believe she is looking down from heaven and cheering me on to sobriety and life.. I just wanted to share.. I have never in done so before.. thanks for listening..
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