Well today is my hubbys birthday which I should be happy about right? Well I was ok this morning but then my uncle (my mom's brother) called me back from yesterday because yesterday was his birthday and I called and sang happy Birthday to him. My mom would always call all of us on our birthday at the crack of dawn to wish us happy birthday. Well he called me back and we were talking and he was saying he was sorry for not calling me back yesterday but I understood. So he got to crying on the phone talking about being the only surviving one in his family (my aunts uncles and grandparents are all dead except him) so this got me to crying hysterically with him. He was saying he was ready to go home so that he can feel his mom hug him again and how much he misses hugging his parents and his siblings. God how I miss my mom today. And I know he is feeling bad because he is the only one left. But it hurt me even more to hear him say he was ready to go home. I don't want to lose anyone else in my family. And it seems not many years apart we have lost all of them except after the first one my aunt who died when I was 18. It has to be hard on him and I know it is hard on me too. He is scared now because it seems everyone would be doing well then out of nowhere BAM they are sick and die shortly after. Except my Papa (my moms other brother) he was sick for many years. I wish my mom was here so bad and our family reunion is at the end of this month and that was always something my mom took care of and now it is on me to do this and I don't even know if I can make it through that day without breaking down. I am seriously thinking of not going but then I would hurt my family by not doing that. I don't know I am just not looking forward to that day at all. I miss my mom so much and I can't bare to think of going so many more years of my life without her like she did with her mom. The thought of living another 30 something years without hugging her again kills me inside. I don't want to die but I do want to feel her arms around me again.
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