I lost my mother 9 years ago on May 9. I lost her at 15 y.o. to hotkins disease which she was diagnosed with 5 years prior. I didn't realize until recently that I never dealt with her death. When she passed, it wasn't okay to seek help. My dad said help and support was provided by the family- too bad we NEVER talked about her. Everytime i would start crying, he would stop me, trying to protect me. By doing this, i was never able to grieve. From 16-20 y.o. I did not cry at all. The only emotion i felt was anger. When I was 18 my dr. put me on anti-depressants and I have been on them ever since. Recently, after having a bad interaction with the medication, i was sent to the hospital for a 72 hr psych evaluation. At this point I realized that I have not been okay for the last several years. I have just been masking my feelings with prescribed medication. Now, i am at the point where I want to feel again and I don't know how to. I've been with my boyfriend for two years and I have never been able to connect with him completely. I have an issue being intimate with him. I have no interest in it and when we actually are together, i just want it to be over. Is anyone else experiencing (or has anyone experienced) similar symptoms? What do I do? I love this man and want to spend the rest of my life with him but there is something keeping me from giving myself completely to him. Any suggestion??? Thanks!
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