I miss my ma. I see her in the mirror looking back at me every day. It's uncanny. My mom and I had an estranged relationship. She was an alcoholic and I couldn't handle it, so I ejected myself from her life pretty much to the point of moving 1000 miles away. She ended up dying on Thanksgiving 2005 of cirrhosis. Two months later, I lost my sister to addiction as well. I feel like I didn't have a mother my w hole life (well, in my grandma who raised me) but felt abandoned and neglected by my real mom so I have confusing feelings to this day about her death. How do you work through the death of a dysfunctional relationship? She comes to me in dreams, gives me dating advice, which is funny and so up her alley, and honestly, I do miss her a lot. I miss the relationship I wanted to one day have with a sober woman. That never came. How do you mourn something like that because I'm not doing a very good job. No one taught me how to mourn and I don't really know how. It's 4 years later and it's so fresh. Like yesterday. Help.
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