Eight days away from mom's death 1 year ago, I'm killing me softly. I want to be with her, even thouth I was so independent as as adult. My mom represented my soul, my spirit, my spark and now she is gone. Just don't care anymore. Letting myself go by eating more junk food than one can imagine, having cramps under my ribs for 2 years now. I'll probably die just like mom. For many of you who are familiar with the movie "Saturday Night Fever" with John Travolta's character, who at the end says: "There are ways of killing yourself without killing yourself." I think this fits, I am emotionally and physically exhausted with back pain, stomache pain, cramping and out of breath from walking up a slight of steps. I keep gaining weight and I know I am not healthly, yet feel paraylized by grief. My house looks like a disaster and I can't tackle it, nor do I want to. If it weren't for my children and my job, I'd probrably run away. 8 days and counting till those doctors wronggfully took you away from us at 65. They will pay in one way or the other. I stand here, Killing myself softly.
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