On January 8th it will be one year ago that my mom died. Ever since Thanksgiving I have been struggling through the holidays feeling miserable and alone. This week I am reliving the last things that I did or said with my mom. Its like its all happening again. No one I know understands how much pain I feel or how much I miss my mom. I don't have any siblings to help get through this. My dad has been dating someone shortly after my mom passed away which made me feel like in a way I lost my whole family at once. I feel distant from him b/c of that. I can't talk to him about how I miss mom knowing he's seeing someone. I wish I could go back to when she was alive and do things differently, even say goodbye to her. I had gotten laid off from my job I enjoyed 4 days before she died and that was what our last conversation was about. Now I look back and think what a waste to talk about that. I don't feel much better after a year. My boyfriend tries to help but he has no idea what this feels like. It seems like the future is pretty bleak right now. Mom would say to be positive. I am trying but I am so tired and worn down.
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