Last night I was talking to my grandmother about when my mom died....she was murdered in 1986. They never found the people who did it. There are all kinds of different theories. She wasnt robbed, she wasnt raped, she was just beat to death and left in the middle of the desert. She wasnt a drug addict. She was a beautiful wonderful woman whom everyone loved. When I was about 6 my dad married a horrble woman who would abuse me when my dad wasnt home. He was a firefighter so he worked 24 hour shifts. Finally when I was about 10 I told him of the abuse, they sent me to a boarding school for a year while they divorced. Then when I was 13 I started my 8 year binge of drug abuse. I often wonder what my life wouldve been like if my mother hadnt been taken from me. I went through SO much sh** And I had so much phsycological damage done, its a miracle that i didnt kill myself while I was out there using dope. I have always struggled with not having a mother. Now that I am a mom I want to be the BEST for my daughter so that she will never have to go through ANY of the stuff that I did. I recently got married and I just felt there was a piece of me missing. My mom shouldve been there right there with me. I dont really know why i am writing this. Its just been weighing on my mind lately. People who still have their mothers should be so grateful for what they have, because its hard to be a girl growing up in this world with out one. I guess this still kills me because there was no justice served. Those bastards that killed her are still walking around free. While the ones who loved her had to just sit here and try to pick up the pieces of their shattered life because she was so ruthlessly murdered. Thanks for letting me vent.
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