It's killing me. I have been here before a few months ago. I want to be with my dad and brother. But.. damn this is hard. I sit in the living room knowing she died in this house in the bed in the next room. I walk passed it and look into her room, or stair at her door. I go in and I just want to lay in her bed. I take my dogs out at night and look at the stars in the night sky and just ask her..."where are you Mom"? I feel a whole in my heart and it gets bigger by the day. Everyday with out her just takes away from me more and more. I miss her so much I can barely stand it. I want to hug her so bad, I want to hear her voice. Almost six months and it still does not feel real. I am hurting but hiding my pain. It is all I can think about here.. is her. God I miss her so much. I don't know what to do with my self. I am scared, and heart broken, and crying now. I look at my dad and see half a man. What can I do with myself. SHould I leave her home. I want so bad to feel close to her, that is part of the reason I am here. I want a sign, I want to know she is with me. I want to sit on the couch with her, and this will never happen again, and I can't face that reality. This is more of journal entry, sorry, thanks for listening. I need to let it out. I want to SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! At this moment.. then just sit and cry.
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