This is the first time I've really opened up about my mom. I have never received counseling or got involved in groups. My family attempted to get me a therapist, but I refused to go. I refused to really honestly deal with the loss of my mother. Here's my story. It was my birthday!!! My 9th birthday to be exact and I was excited. I ahd plans to have all my friends over and my dad was going to roast hot dogs and hamburgers, we were gonna play in my pool, go to the fair, and camp out in my back yard. It was gonna be great!! I am the youngest of four. I have a brother (John) that is 13 yrs older than me, a sister (Angie)10 yrs older, another sister (Misty) 9 nine years older than me. My dad and mother were gone that day so mom had left the shopping up to my sisters for the party. Needless to say, they were teenagers and that just did not get done. Mom got home and was upset that no one had went to the store to get the tent or other things for the party. Let me give you a little history. Our family was well-off, I guess you could. Let's just say that we were all spoiled and living in lala land. We could of never imagined that anything bad could happen to us. None of the kids ever dealt with death yet. We were used to everything going our way regardless. I was mom's sidekick. I was a surprise coming around nine years later, but I was with her all the time. I remember my mom taking care of me when I was sick and waking me up in the morning for school. I didn't get the years of actually carrying on an adult conversation with my mom. I really missed that opportunity. Mom and Dad had an awesome relationship. Dad was gone a lot on business, but he would be home every weekend. They would always go out on a date. Our family always ate together, vacationed every year, spent all the holidays together. It was wonderful. My mom and dad would dance around in the living room. We always had such great times together. Anyways, Mom took it upon herself that day to go get the tent for the party. I remember I was down at the front of our driveway waiting on my friends to arrive when she drove up and said she was going to the store. She asked if I wanted to come with her. I of course said no because I wanted to wait on my friends. She drove off and that was the last time I ever saw my mother.About an hour later, my friends had already started to arrive when my sister, Angie, came into the room and asked me to come with her. We walked into my parent's room and she turned to me and said mom's been in an accident and I don't know if ahe is going to make it. Now, me being clueless to this, mom had been in wrecks before and she was fine so I just believed that this was another one of those wrecks, it did not register with me how serious it was. I'll never forget what I said next..well are we still going to the fair?? Now looking back I can't believe I said that. I remember telling everyone of my friends to leave. My cousin stayed with me that night. everyone else was at the hospital. I did not get taken to the hospital. I slept in my parent's bed that night. I told myself over and over again that mom will be fine. My dad woke me up the next morning and told me that she did not wake up. He started crying and left. I just sat there numb and flat. I didn't say anything or do anything. My sister tried to explain everything to me, and all I said was o.k. I never really cried in front of anyone and they didn't take me to the funeral a few days later. I have never really dealt with her passing. Some days I fault myself for her getting in the car that day. But I know that it wasn't my fault. I need her now more than ever. I'm 27 years old, I have a Master's Degree in Counseling and work as a therapist. I feel like I can help others with their problems, but I have yet to cope with loosing my mother at such a young age. There is a lot of things that I wish I could ask her. I wish I could pick up the phone and talk to her. I miss her so much. I can't stand it when a see girls that disrespect their moms and don't appreciate them. I saw that a lot in college. I just wish she was here so bad. I dad remarried her hairdresser 6 mos after died. He soon divorced her and went on to date a number of women before settling down with the one he is with now. We didn't get along at all at first, but now things are finally better. My dad and myself have struggled with addiction and depression. Dad has finally gotten control of his addiction and is doing remarkably better. I have finally gotten control of my addiction and am finally doing better. I am in extreme debt, but hopefully, with the Lord on my side I will one day pull myself out of that hole. I have a fiance that is 26 yo. We have been together for almost 3 yrs. I've finally found the man I am going to marry. He is amazing and is the first man I have ever been with that wants to grow spiritually. He wants to get involved in a good church and grow closer to the Lord. He is amazing and I know that he really loves me. I am so thankful for the poeple that God has put into my life. I could not have made it through without these certain people. He has really blessed me in every way. I am so lucky to still be living and breathing and able to hopefully help others through these times of struggle and heartache. I always read this verse in the Bible and it gives me peace I John 4:4. It says that Greater is He... Greater is He that is within me. I am a child of God and through Him all things are possible. I know my mother is in Heaven waiting on me. I knwo she is with me everyday. It gets hard sometimes, but I can look forward to the day with we meet again. Well, that's my story. Hopefully, this is the beginning of me starting to cope with my mother's death. I hope now I can learn to deal with it in healthy way. Thankyou for listening and God Bless.
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