yes it's ok to be angry, i believe it's a form of greiving. I was so angry, mad, pissed...you name it I felt it. I wrote her a letter and read it out loud to her. I felt a little better, i was all out of breath for yelling and crying and then I felt a calm. Kinda like her putting her arm aroud me telling me it's gonna be ok. You feel what you feel and it's normal. I hope you find some peace.

Dear JT -
It sounds like your loss was sudden, unexpected and tragic. Think for a minute that it was the same for your Mom. It could very well have been as much the sudden shock as it has been for you, if she went so quickly, perhaps unable to fight. It's built into a mother's nature to fight for and to get her children.

I don't know the details but forgive me for this trivial analogy. Have you ever seen or been in a car crash -- even a sudden fender-bender? I once watched a car back into the cardoor where I was sitting. I saw it happening, called out to look at what he was doing - but if I'd opened the door (which was feet from his car), I'd have stepped into his car. He didn't hear me, and my Mom (the driver) wasn't in a spot where she could react fast enough. It was like seeing the iceberg hitting the Titanic. You watch it happening - you don't freeze but you're helpless.

It's perhaps the only explanation I can give for your Mom's situation - if she even knew what hit her at all. Your mother was the most unique gift God created - Even the Angels in Heaven can't be a mother. The love a mother has is undescribable. Please believe me - that if your mother could have stayed/saved her life, she would have - for your sake.

Your anger is okay and not uncommon. In time, you will get past it and realize it was the shock and grief of this tragically sudden loss. I wish I could give you a hug a better understanding that might help but in the meantime you have my my prayers that soon you'll overcome this anger - It was NOT your Mom's fault. And you don't know for sure how hard she tried. Just know that she loves you.

And understandably so. You are so young to lose your Mom. And no doubt, if she could change that, she would. I know it's painful, it is at any age. Don't feel guilty, it is a perfectly normal emotion for someone who has experienced this kind of loss. Recognize it for what it is and know that it will take "time". Believe me, I personally HATE that advise, but, unfortunately, it really is true.

In the mean time, don't forget to lean on use during these difficult days.

A huge hug to you.

Marcia

It is totally okay to be angry. You are not the only one. I'm angry my mom's not her, I'm angry at the damn cancer. What you feel is what you feel so don't pack your mental bags and go on a guilt trip. Love and hugs Anna

You have EVERY right to your feelings. Sure you are angry---you are abandoned, but I bet your mom DID fight. You are worth fighting for---she knew it, now you realize it.
You will find yourself through other emotions and repeat quite a few. It's all normal. Remember, when you feel alone and that no one understands, know WE do. The strength I have felt and support I have been given from this group has helped me a lot and I hope you find that comfort too.
Big hug to you---keep reaching out. Journal, right letters to your mom. Let it out girl. We are here...

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who replied to my discussion. It means a lot to me, believe me. I actually feel much better now knowing that it's okay to be angry at my mother even though it wasn't her fault, and I do know that she probably fought as hard as she could to live. Thanks again.

xoxo
Jazmine