I've been scarce here. I've been tired - no, exhausted. I'm not sure if other issues in my life are making things worse, but I do know that I've been having an awfully bad time lately. I think I'm sinking into a sadness rather than a depression. I move along and smile for everybody - like playing the clown - but my heart is hurting more now. I don't care about smiling for people anymore. Maybe, personal issues (which I'm not going into here) have gotten me more upset. I don't have my mother to help me. Tomorrow would be the second to last return home from hospital. Today, there's been ambulances back and forth - and all I can think is - was that one of the vehicles Mama was in? Emotionally, I'm failing. I just don't care anymoore. I try for a little bit - and then just don't care. Please don't tell me to seek help. I never felt I needed Mama so much./
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