We gathered together yesterday for my Niece's baptism. Between my sister (Becky) and I we have 5 boys and never thought there would be a girl (both husbands families have all boys too). My sister was pregnant when we lost Mom. Later she found out she was having a girl. Anna Rose was born in March, 6 months after our Mom died. So yesterday the family gathered for this joyous occassion and I just couldn't understand why Mom wasn't there, holding her first granddaughter. This was her thing - she would have loved having everyone over. I just kept picturing her there in church sitting with us, helping with the kids, bringing ALL of the food to Becky's after, laughing and having fun with her sibs and us. I saw a picture of her and the flood began - I just still can't wrap my head around her not being here..it's just not right. I feel like everything is pale, less of what it was. Like I've slipped into something that is my own life - only dingy and less joyful. I want badly to bring myself back into loving life and living happily but it's so hard without her!! The longing for her is still so intense.
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