I can't quit crying today. I am sick. I can't believe it has been 6 months since I've talked to my Mom, since I've kissed her and hugged her. 6 months ago today it was the last time I did any of those things. She was visiting me in Philadelphia from Georgia to babysit Bumpers. Right now, I was picking her up from the airport and it was drizzling. We stopped by McDonalds for a hamburger and I was telling her about this house we found that I loved. Right now Bumpers was wearing his red checked farm animal jumper and his saddle oxfords that she had bought for him and she was admiring him in his outift and singing the "bumpers' song". I can't quit reliving that day today. She died on the 19th, but it was a Friday, so tonight is what I consider the anniversary. Why did this happen? Why did she die? Why didn't she tell me she wasn't up for the trip? I feel like it's all my fault. The guilt..I just want to melt away. If she had been here in Georgia and not babysitting Bumpers, would she have lived? It's just so crushing, so devastating. It's so beyond painful that words fail to describe the enormity of the emotions. I just want to disappear because living in a worlds without her is just horrible. I just want my Mommy back! Why can't I turn back time? How can she really be gone? I just want to wake up from this nightmare.
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