I was driving back home from my friends' house with my dad and i just couldn't shake the feeling of wanting my mommy. I wanted to cry so bad but i couldn't, partcially because i just don't like to cry, and also because there was something stopping me, i just don't cry anymore, i can't. I was thinking about when my sister wanted to get one of those necklaces that you put the persons' ashes in, my mom was cremated, and i kind of want one but i really want to get my sister one. My dad didn't like the idea of "disturbing the ashes" but i want something to link me to her and so does my sister. And then a few days ago i was looking at my moms picture of when she was in her 20's and my sister looks EXACTLY like her. Like, i started to see her face in my moms. It's just so unfair that my sister can look like her but i can't. I just want to open the earn that her ashes are in and try and put her back together. It's so hard to do this, i can't get through the pain, it's too much, i hate not having my mom. I never got to know her, I never got to have the connection with her, i didn't lose my everything, i lost my chance at having an everything, my chance at having a best friend, my chance at having a family.
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