Think of every single negative feeling you've ever had, roll them all into one, them multiply it times 100. That does not even begin to describe how I feel right now. My mom is dead, she's not coming back, no matter how hard I want her to. The nursing home where she worked gave us a lot of expensive things. Flowers, meat tray, and even a donation for me. But no amount of money will ever bring her back to me. They gave me $506, but I don't need that much money, so I split it with my brother Joe. After all, he was her kid also. She will not be there when I buy my first house, or get married, or when I have my first child. She won't be able to see what I will be able to do with my life. There are some days when I don't think I could ever survive the sadness, and then one of my friends texts me and asks how I'm doing. I'm so grateful I have people who care about me,even though I don't deserve it. If I had just told her to go down the highway, then maybe we would not have slid into the SUV on CR16 that day, or if I had just gone over to my friends house like I wanted, she would still be here, yes she would have been mad, but at least she would still be alive. I can't even eat anything without getting so sick, even though I have tried. I've lost 10 pounds this week alone because I just don't feel like eating. It is most difficult at night when I'm trying to sleep, when I'm thinking about it the most. People keep telling me, it'll be alright, that I will get through it, I'd just like to know when, because this is just too hard to bear...................
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