I just need to talk. I was just getting off of work tuesday and I decided to go pee before leaving. I went into the bathroom and discovered that I had started bleeding. I had not told my work yet that I was pregnant as I was barely three months so I left without talking to anyone. I was trying to keep myself calm as I became more and more lost trying to find the hospital (I work about 30-40 minutes from my home town). I called my sister and I was hysterical. She had me pull over while my brother in law called an ambulance. When the ambulance arrived I was curled up in my car sobbing, begging god not to take my baby from me. After hours in the hospital and several tests run the doctor said that everything looked ok and still "pregnant". He asked that I come back the next day to get an ultrasound "just to be sure" that my baby was healthy. When I went to the specialist for the ultrasound he was really staring at the screen for what seamed like forever and he asked me if i had family with me, I told him no and he insisted that I call my husband. I told him he was working in another town and that i didn't want to bother him. Thats when he turned the screen and said "i'm sorry sweety" Those words were like a knife. He got my husbands phone number and all i remember is lying on the table, tears streaming down my face staring at the screen where my baby used to be, and i could hear in the backgroung the doctor leaving a message for my husband to come straight down as he was admitting me to the emergency room. When my husband came in he grabbed me and I was sobbing hysterically. All I could say was "we lost it, we lost it". He was holding my so tightly i could barely breath and he was shaking with tears running down his cheeks. I can't stop replaying it in my mind. Last night when I was getting ready for bed I came across the winnie the pooh comforter that my father had bought for the soon to be nursery and I just hit the floor. I was holding it tightly and cried for about half an hour sitting in my closet and my husband was pleading with me to put it back and come to bed. Finally he came over and pulled it away from me. I was hysterical bawling. I felt as though he was taking my baby from me all over again. We sat in each others arms and cried for about an hour. All day I have been carrying a pacifier with me in my pocket and I feel like a lunatic hiding it from my husband but in some screwed up way, having it in my pocket is as close as I can get to having my baby in my belly again. I just want my baby back. I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. If i didn't have my husband I think i would take a bottle of pills and never wake up. My family and my soulmate are the only reason I get out of bed. Sorry I know this is long but I had to get it out. I'm 23, healthy, happily married and both financially and emotionally ready for this baby. I don't see why in such an ideal situation, we would still not be aloud to keep this baby on earth. Life is so cruel sometimes
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