I have a son who will be turning 3 in January. Ihad a tough time through my pregnancy with my boy he was 5wks early as i developed pre-eclampsia, i then had to have a c-section because i was so weak i would not of been able to give birth, then midwives in the hospital were just horrible especially one. When my son was 8months old i developed post natal depression through all of this and then longed for another pregnancy. I tried and tried until just over a yr later i had caught. Happy times?oh yes but nothing could've prepared me for what happened 2 months later, i lost the baby. The grief was nothing like i'd never felt before, i felt alone and scared. The shock of this was the fact that i had lost my baby at 8wks, this was over the xmas period but i did not find out until a month later. I was still carrying my dead baby, that still haunts me to this day. I had to have a D&C i really wanted to lose it naturally but my baby just did not want to leave nor did i want my baby to leave, i hoped that the nurse had got it wrong but that day on the D&C just made it real. I was so over powered with emotion i could not have any1 with me to start with so i felt even more alone. this was 8months ago, i feel i have moved on but the grief creeps in from time to time, im jealous of other pregnant women around me even friends that i know, i try to be happy but at the back of my mind i want that to be me. We decided to start trying again after a month or 2 but still i cannot get pregnant. I feel like im failing and my partner feels like a failure, im longing for the baby i lost. If i think about it total amount of time we have been trying has hit 2yrs last month with one fail. I dont know what to do or what to think, i just need someone to share this with.
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