Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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Why do people say such hurtful things?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so tired of the things people say ... a family member called me today that I haven`t talked to in awhile and during our conversation she had said ( well a least you have 4 healthy living children you should just be grateful for them)..... Yes I am very grateful for my healthy living children But that doesn`t make my baby girl dyeing hurt any less I want so much to share having a child with my new husband That to me is something that makes your love just even more special ! What makes people say these things ! Has anyone else had someone say things like that to them ? This has just made me so angry! This makes me wont to even more know talk about my baby girl and make sure she continues to live through me my husband and my children!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
wow, that was mean, not to mention wicked insensitive. i guess some people just don't understand what it feels like to lose something so precious. I'm sorry for your loss.
deleted_user
deleted_user
There is a list here of the stupid people things say. We've all heard them, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. She wouldn't have said this if you had lost one of your other 4 children. People have a hard time realizing a loss is a loss at no matter what stage.

Keep your daughter alive in your heart. Also, do allow your children to help you through the grieving process. My sweet 2 year old is the only thing that kept me from sinking too deep.
deleted_user
deleted_user
People are so completely clueless.

If nothing else good comes out of it, I know I can learn one thing from having a m/c: how not to say something horrible to someone who has.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sometimes I think the intention is good: like some people want to say something that will make it less painful. Sometimes I think people say stupid stuff when they haven't dealt with their own losses, they want you to dismiss yours just like they did. And some people I think just don't get it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have a friend who says things like that all the time...my other friend says it's because she doesn't have a filter from her brain to her mouth! I try to ignore it...often easier said then done. I wish you luck in dealing with people like this!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I found that whenever I talk to someone who never had a m/c doesn't understand the impact of our loss.

A simple "I'm sorry for your loss. I'm here for you through the good times and bad." That's HUGE! It's all we really need to hear. Period.

Your baby girl will always be part of your family no matter what other people say. If it makes some people uncomfortable then that's their problem. You have every right to talk about Olivya Faith whenever you want to.

I'm sorry for your loss. We women here truly understand what you're going through. Hugs, Jocelyn
LovelySnow11
LovelySnow11
My sister-in-law said "Why are you feeling down? Is there a reason or no?" A week after my d&c & she was 16 weeks pregnant with her second child. I would have thought at least she could kind of understand what I was going through.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have three kids and in the past week I can't tell you how many times I've heard "you have three healthy kids, you should be grateful." Yes I am very grateful, I am truly blessed, but it doesn't take away the hurt either.
deleted_user
deleted_user
New here but I thought I'd share. Had a miscarriage last week. I just had a beautiful baby boy June 29, 2007. I got preg VERY quickly. Now everyone says "it's probably for the best, it would have been so hard," etc. I could scream!!! I would have had enough love to go around.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think a lot of people just have no clue. I don't wish these feelings on anyone but people should be sympathetic to others situations.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You know most of the hurtful things came from my MIL. My husband said she didn't mean anything by the stupid comments she has made to me, but I don't buy it. How can you not mean "I couldn't think of a good "M" name anyway (all my other kids names begin with the letter M.) Or "at least you don't need to buy a bigger house." Mind you, she said all this the night I was being induced.
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