I miss my son.I am so very sad that he can not be here with me.It took me 3 months and sometimes I feel like I was never pregnant.I see others who are pregnant,and I just smile and walk away.I have no problem going through the baby isle.I will look at the tiny clothes and just wish I could buy them.I buy pull ups and sippie cups for my three year old no problem.I even hold my 3 month old nephew now and long to be holding my own.Am I forgetting that I just lost my son?How can I be moving on this quickly and act as though I don't feel the loss?I feel the hurt of others who lost their babies and I feel sorry for them.Am I a bad person for wanting to forget that this ever happened?I feel like a major hypocrit.Why can't I take my advice?It's like if I don't think about it I am giving myself that chance to be happy,and I don't want to be happy.I want to grieve about my son.I want to be sad and I want to just go to sleep,hoping that when I wake up things wil be different.Why can't I just let go?Why do I have to be so strong for my family all the time?Why can't they take care of me for once?My brother asked me if I would baby sit his kids cuople weeks ago.He said I didn't have to if I didn't want to;I was hesitant at first,but I said yes.The baby slept,and my niece was up on and off.Other than that it was pretty easy.I checked on him(the baby) through out the night but couldnt pick him up.Why? Why do I have all these mixed up feelings?
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