
Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

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I officially lost my baby on 4th Oct this year and the pain is till with me. It annoys me so much when people say it was probably for the best! And yet in hindsight I know that they are right..
Let me tell you my friend's story.
My friend had a perfect little boy a few years ago. Then she decided it was time for baby number two. All was well, she did everything by the book and I always admired her because I was pregnant at the same time and had the occasional glass of wine when she didn't...She gave birth a few weeks after me and I was looking forward to seeing our little girls play together. Except it never happened. Her little girl was born blind and paraplegic. Doctors said there was nothing they could do or could have done. The various scans and blood tests she had taken while pregnant had shown nothing wrong with the baby. And then they told her it was amazing her baby had made it to the birth at all... It was as if she had failed to miscarry a baby that should never have been born. Her little girl died a few months ago after three years of operations and regular stays in hospital. Her lungs just gave up. She never had a chance to understand the world around her or to even know her parents or her brother. The specialists said she had so little brain activity that it was a miracle she even survived so long...
Now, would my friend ever say she wished her little girl had not been born? Off course not. She loved her and will always love her the way she was. I felt a sense of relief when she died because I felt that my friend could now try to live a normal family life, which had certainly not been the case for the last three years. But I know she would feel so angry if I ever told her that. Just like what I feel when people tell me losing my baby was for the best...When I look at what happened to my friend I have to say honestly I would rather have lost my unborn baby when I did than go through what she has. Don't get me wrong, it's no consolation, but it makes it a bit easier for me to understand why people say such things...
Let me tell you my friend's story.
My friend had a perfect little boy a few years ago. Then she decided it was time for baby number two. All was well, she did everything by the book and I always admired her because I was pregnant at the same time and had the occasional glass of wine when she didn't...She gave birth a few weeks after me and I was looking forward to seeing our little girls play together. Except it never happened. Her little girl was born blind and paraplegic. Doctors said there was nothing they could do or could have done. The various scans and blood tests she had taken while pregnant had shown nothing wrong with the baby. And then they told her it was amazing her baby had made it to the birth at all... It was as if she had failed to miscarry a baby that should never have been born. Her little girl died a few months ago after three years of operations and regular stays in hospital. Her lungs just gave up. She never had a chance to understand the world around her or to even know her parents or her brother. The specialists said she had so little brain activity that it was a miracle she even survived so long...
Now, would my friend ever say she wished her little girl had not been born? Off course not. She loved her and will always love her the way she was. I felt a sense of relief when she died because I felt that my friend could now try to live a normal family life, which had certainly not been the case for the last three years. But I know she would feel so angry if I ever told her that. Just like what I feel when people tell me losing my baby was for the best...When I look at what happened to my friend I have to say honestly I would rather have lost my unborn baby when I did than go through what she has. Don't get me wrong, it's no consolation, but it makes it a bit easier for me to understand why people say such things...
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There have been times when I feel guilty for being relieved that I miscarried rather than have a child that would suffer. Another reason I am sometimes relieved: I have another child, and I want him to have a sibling with whom he can completely share his life.
Here's the really guilty admission. I was also relieved for me and my husband. I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle that situation. I don't know if our marriage could.
Thank you for sharing this story...Im having a hard time at this moment understanding why people keep telling me maybe it was for the best and things happen for a reason...
That being said I still agree that it is Gods choice when it comes to our miscarriage and I believe that we all make perfect babies and God had something in heaven very important from them and he just needed them sooner than we wanted, but its Gods plan not ours... okay Im done :)
A friend told me the other day (this helped me might not help everyone) that that Bible talks about spiritual children. These are our children in heaven, our children on earth, and those people around us that we mentor.