I am really depressed. I just try to be happy but I just realized today that I am miserable. I don't like my life. I am trying to change it. I really miss my babies & my ex everyday! I hate that in 2 months their birthday will be here & they would have been born. And my ex doesn't even care. I just hate it. I hate that. My therapist says I should get back on med, but I just want them back, my babies & my ex. I feel alone. I feel unworthy, feel like I will NEVER have babies again & NOBODY loves me,. I am always alone & sick of it. I joined clubs but they haven't started yet. I am in church & go to college. Just DON'T have any motivation to study tonight feel so so depressed. What's the point if my babies are dead?? Why should I be HAPPY when they Are dead before they even got a chance to live??? =( I hate this. I hate that I don't have friends & only just my mom. Why do I just hate myself. I feel guilty everyday for them I should have NEVER lost my virginity to them! =( Idk my therapist says that I should get a job on the weekends so I can have money & meet ppl that way. I just want my OLd life back. NO matter what I do to fix myself on the inside or out, my ex WILL never notice it =( I only wanted him. What do I do?? I just feel suicidal everyday & tired of talking about it. I just want something to happen. Just feel alone & like nothing getting better. just want to go back. I want him & my babies. I can't deal with their birthday. =(
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