Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
My husband and I have 2 beautiful little girls, 1 and 3. They share a birthday and we were pregnant with our third who would have been due on their b-day also. all June 25th. A week ago, on thanksgiving we lost the baby. The first night we came home from the hospital and cried together. Everyone thought this one was a boy, though we were only 8 weeks so we don't know for sure. For the first 2 days my husband and I hled eachother and talked a lot about what happened and our feelings. But since then he hasn't wanted to talk about it. I named the baby Aiden and want to plan a memorial for him. Nothing huge, just family, a chance to say goodbye. I feel like he's my baby even if we never got to meet and I want him to be part of our lives still. I just can't forget about him and pretend it never happened. My DH says it's too painful to talk about and just wants to forget about it. He gets angry now when I bring it up or when I talk to my 3 year old about it. We gave her a bear named Aiden to hug if she's sad. She still doesn't really understand what's happened but she knew we were having a baby and now were not.
Anyway, I guess my question is, how do we go through this with our relationship intact. I love my husband but I feel like so much distance has come between us this week. How can I grieve and remember our child without making it too painful for him?
Anyway, I guess my question is, how do we go through this with our relationship intact. I love my husband but I feel like so much distance has come between us this week. How can I grieve and remember our child without making it too painful for him?
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
What has helped us is to give each room to grieve in our own ways. Like your husband, mine choses not to talk about it often (our loss was in August). I've spent more time talking to my best friend and my therapist than him. He has given me the room to be sad and to talk to others when I need to (including being supportive about paying for a therapist). After giving each other space, it's become easier for us to talk about it together too.
As you make your way through the grief, try to make non-grieving time for each other also. As trite as it sounds, date nights make all the difference. Doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive (or even especially fun while you're still very sad). Just leaving the house together without the children and relating to one another can keep your marriage strong.
The question of a memorial is trickier. How would you feel about delaying it until your husband is more comfortable? For example, we're going to plant a tree in March when our baby would have been born.
No matter what, I hope you will find the support and comfort you need during this difficult time. Take care.