Thursday my husband and I had our first baby appointment at 11 weeks. We have 3 beautiful children and planned to tell our friends and famiy we were expecting again on Friday. At the appointment, the PA was doing my ultrasound and was having trouble finding a heart beat. When she went to go get the doctor I still just thought it was her, it hadn't occurred to me that she couldn't find it because it was not there. I feel so guilty that I doubted her abilities, and also that I have 3 fantastic children already but can't stop spontaneously crying. Since none of our family know, I struggle each day to drag myself out of bed and put on my "happy" face. I am very much a planner and the plans that I had for the rest of the year have just vanished.
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