Last night was such a hard night for me. I was in such a funk and couldn't figure out why. Then it hit me I wanted my son. On Tuesday night we got to see his Gravestone for the first time and then yesterday talked with the Funeral home about when it would be placed. It hit me last night that as soon as the gravestone is placed that it really does mean that it is permanent. I thought about the possibility of trying again and came to the conclusion while in tears last night that I didn't wanna try again I want Nicholas. I know I cannot have him back and we need to try again,so we will. I just hate feeling so darn bad all the time. I just miss and want Nicholas back so much.
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