Miscarriage Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.
When I was going through my 1st mc a very close family member of mine let me know that she had an abortion when she was younger and thought that maybe my mc was a punishment in our family for her decision. I am pro choice but never choose to have an abortion myself, I told her that I didn't believe her abortion led to punishment for my mc.
Then last night I made a comment to her that I was a little envious of the mothers who got to hold their babies even if the babies were stillborn (I know that I should never be envious of something like this, but I am here to get help/support so I must be honest with you all). She made a comment to me that my mc's were not as hard as it would have been if I had felt the babies kick or move around.
This comment really hurts me, I know she didn't mean to hurt me, but I loved my babies even if I never got to feel them kick or see their faces or hold them. A mother's love does not change because she gets to see her baby grow up.
I thought about this all night and have been thinking about this comment this morning.
Also last night we visited a neighbor who knew about my 1st mc and one of the very few people who knew about my 2nd pregnancy (she asked if I was pregnant a few months ago and we hadn't told anyone and so I was in shock when she asked and she how she already knew) and she knew I had a 2nd mc. Last night I went to pick up her 2 year old and she reached for me (last time I saw her I told her about the 2nd mc and the time before that she didn't want me to be picking up her son for my safety when I was pregnant). She didn't want me to pick him up so I didn't hurt myself or the baby. I know it was just her instinct to protect me and my baby, but I hurt to have to remind her that I wasn't pregnant anymore.
I swear every day there is another zinger, something that hurts so bad about me not being pregnant.
Then last night I made a comment to her that I was a little envious of the mothers who got to hold their babies even if the babies were stillborn (I know that I should never be envious of something like this, but I am here to get help/support so I must be honest with you all). She made a comment to me that my mc's were not as hard as it would have been if I had felt the babies kick or move around.
This comment really hurts me, I know she didn't mean to hurt me, but I loved my babies even if I never got to feel them kick or see their faces or hold them. A mother's love does not change because she gets to see her baby grow up.
I thought about this all night and have been thinking about this comment this morning.
Also last night we visited a neighbor who knew about my 1st mc and one of the very few people who knew about my 2nd pregnancy (she asked if I was pregnant a few months ago and we hadn't told anyone and so I was in shock when she asked and she how she already knew) and she knew I had a 2nd mc. Last night I went to pick up her 2 year old and she reached for me (last time I saw her I told her about the 2nd mc and the time before that she didn't want me to be picking up her son for my safety when I was pregnant). She didn't want me to pick him up so I didn't hurt myself or the baby. I know it was just her instinct to protect me and my baby, but I hurt to have to remind her that I wasn't pregnant anymore.
I swear every day there is another zinger, something that hurts so bad about me not being pregnant.
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I know how you feel though. A friend's fiance had asked me for an update on my pregnancy and when I told her about the miscarriage she was shocked. She also told me about an abortion she'd had at 19 and how she'd felt afterward. She was not one of those women who was quick to get one. She had thought long and hard about it and it was a very difficult decision for her to make. She knew she wouldnt be able to be the kind of mom her baby needed. She had been very upset that she had made that decision.
Today we got about a foot of snow where I am, and I had to briefly explain to one of my neighbors why it was ok that I was shoveling. It was easy to just say it quietly and walk away after acknowledging her "I'm sorry".
I myself had an abortion when I was 18. I've always been pro-choice but felt I could never do it. Then I found myself in the situation and really felt it would be what was best at the time.
I'm sorry for your losses.
No-one should make a judgment on your level of grief vs stage of pregnancy, thats just dismissive and insensitive
Im sorry you have to have to remind people that you aren't pregnant. That is so painful. I have been there many times. And I think the worse part is waiting to see what rude comment they are about to say.
I had a close friend who knew of my losses and one day she felt the need to confess that she had two abortions in the past. I was heart broken. Abortions take on a whole new meaning when you have lost a baby.
One thing I've learned through this experience is how insensitive people can be, even the ones that love us most.
Im sorry you are going through this and I hope it gets better.
As far as your family member...well she's pretty much an idiot. I believe we sometimes do pay for our sins here on earth, sort of a what goes around comes around sort of thing, but God would not use her sins against you. I think she is just feeling guilty for what she did and she doesn't know how to handle your losses knowing she willingly killed her own child.
I have had an early miscarriage and a late 1st trimester miscarriage, the 2nd one was harder than the 1st one because I never actually saw a baby on the ultrasound with the 1st pregnancy. However, I know women that go through just as much hurt and pain with a chemical pregnancy than a later loss. It's varies from person to person and their grief is real and you can't judge it by how far along the pregnancy was.
Sorry you have had such bad encounters with people lately.