Miscarriage Support Group

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Regret

deleted_user
deleted_user
I was in one of moments today crying and still trying to accept the fact that Natalie is not here. Then I started thinking about her funeral, and have second thoughts of making my decision of having a closed casket. My husband and I made this choice because we did spend a lot of time with her in the hospital after her birth, but thought it would be too painful to see her at the funeral. I'm now wishing I could have seen her again and had the open casket. The funeral director said we made the right choice by keeping it closed, but all I can think of is what did she look like in the outfit we picked for her to wear, did they have her covered well in her blanket we gave them to use for her, how did she look, did they have her hands folded, and so on. I feel like I'm torturing myself over this. And it is one more thing to feel guilty about. I did get to spend time with her at the hospital and I do have pictures and a memory box. But I didn't see her that moment at the funeral, sometimes I can say I'm okay with that decision but right now I feel more that I regret that decision. I think if I would have more time to think about it, I would have chosed open casket. My husband says we made the right decision. But I just wish I could have looked at her face to face one more time, or been able to touch her again. I think no matter what I would never be satisfied, she is our child, and there is that physical and emotional attachment that will never go away. I just really needed to get this off of my chest.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think it's totally normal to have regrets. I always question my choices I made. Like why didn't I take pictures of my son? Why did I have him cremated? I totally kick myself in the butt. But I made all my decisions when I was still grieving and I did what I thought was best at the time. I wish I could go back and redo somethings. I think in time we won't question ourselves as much.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My little one was too small for a funeral. But I remember something from my sister in law's funeral, which was open casket: we could see the body, but it wasn't her. It LOOKED like her, but you could tell that her spirit was gone on to a better place - just the earthly resemblance remained. The image and feeling of your baby you have in your heart is much more real than the little form in the casket, no matter how dear or familiar. This is important for me to remember too: that my baby is in Heaven, not in a jar in some lab, awaiting testing.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think regrets are probably a natural process in grieving. I was 9 wks. pregnant when I had a miscarriage but the baby had stopped growing at 6 wks so she was tiny. I did go through all the tissue until I could see her and we buried her near our house. I buried her in my jewlry box and I took a picture of the box but although this sounds crazy I regret I did not take a picture of the baby. She was so small, less than 1/2 of an inch and was not really recognizable as a baby(you could only tell where a round head was forming) but she is still my child I wish I had a picture. I have my ultrasound picture from the very same day I lost her but it's not the same. I think we all have regrets and I can't tell you if you made the right decision. I can tell you that you are not alone and if you ever need to talk I am here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with the other ladies and we all go through the "what if's" as my husband calls them. What if I would have done this or that?" The "what if's" will drive you crazy! Try to find peace and that what your choices were, were at a time that you were completely in shock. You got to spend time with your little one and hold and love her and that time spent is so precious. I hope you can clear your mind and heart and come to peace with your decision. Take care.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have regrets about not having been able to see my baby, and they were driving me crazy, I couldn't get to hold him, or even have a glimpse of him. After a few weeks I reached to the conclusion that that moment wasn't the best to make decisions, nobody (or almost nobody) knows those hard decisions would have to be made with such short time. I feel at peace now that I did what I could. For God sake, I had to decide over the remains of my child in one day! I was't prepared for that!
Honey, you did what you could. I hope you find peace soon. Hugs!
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