This is my first time signing up for a support group; and I really dont know where to begin. There are so many emotions flowing. Ive been with my husband for years and I had always dreamed of bearing of child. After a great deal of infertility testing (Which was also an emotion hurdle) my husband and I had decided that we would look into IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) In May 2007 we started a fertility cycle, which turned out to be successful in June 2007 I was having my first baby. The joy that I felt when I found out that I have having a baby is indescribable. When I called my husband and gave him the best news of my life; he didnt seem as if he was as excited. (My husband is one of those men that dont get his hopes up, until its a fore sure thing.) A few days later back to the Doctor for some more blood test, and that evening I receive a call from the doctor that my hormone levels were not rising as they should, which alternately means MISCARRIGE. It was as if my whole world was being taken from me. Having a miscarriage was the hardest thing Ive ever had to go through in my life; knowing that it was going to happen, waiting for it to happen, some how I did find the strength to coop with my situation. I told myself that God has a plan for everyone and he know what he was doing. I have to admit that believing this had helped me. I bounced back to reality pretty quickly. My husband and I decided that we would try again in a few months. We actually ended up waiting nine months. In March 2008 we processed to begin another IVF cycle. In April 2008 only a few weeks ago, I received that call, relaying the news that Im pregnant. Of course Im thrilled and excited that this was finally going to happen. The hormone levels were really good and I was taking really good care if myself. I felt that it was really going to happen. Even the thought of multiple births had me feeling great. A few days later another check up and more blood work. Everything was looking good, until I received a call from the Doctor and the hormone levels are dropping and I should come in for some more blood work. Over this weekend I got the results and the level is still dropping and was told that I will not be carrying full term, I should expect to start bleeding with in a few days. The emptiness that I feel is overbearing. The thought that I have to go through this again has taken a toll on my heart. And it doesnt help that I feel that my husband has shut me out emotionally. Its now been three days in counting since the news. I feel crampy and crabby, and so irritable and its as if some one has turned on the water works in my head. I have not stopped crying. The waiting is killing me, my thoughts are running wild. I feel Lonly.
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