I just got home for the emergency room and my worst fears are now confirmed. Derek & I lost our baby. I am in shock right now. i feel so withdrawn. I feel horrible...I lost my baby. God gave me the chance to become a mother and I lost his angel. He entrusted me with his angel and I betrayed him. How can I even come to him now... How will my heart heal. One can only take so much loss in a lifetime...and even after all I have lost...i end up losing the only thing that ever mattered. I cannot even begin to comprehend what has happened. They keep saying it will be ohkay and its not because of you...but it is! I wish I could take back all my bad...i layed in the hospital bed...I begged...pleaded...and prayed to the lord for a miracle. I prayed he would forgive me and give me one more chance...but after hours of waiting...the doctor came into my room...and told me exactly what i knew in my heart...I lost my baby. Funny to think that just hours ago...I had a beautiful life inside me...one I couldnt wait to love. I was pregnant...just hours ago...and now...oh my lord...my baby is gone...no longer in me...depending on me for life...protection...some mother i would of made...i could not even protect her. I know that my little angel is now with the lord in heaven and I just pray one day i will meet my angel in heaven. I know my baby is with my daddy and he will watch her until I return home. I pray for her soul and mine as well. I pray one day the lord will give me another blessing and entrust me with another angel...someday!
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