Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

965 Members
12,889 Posts
1 Online
Women's Health
/ Miscarriage Support Group

New problem....

deleted_user
deleted_user
DH came to me last night and said that he wants to go and have a vasectomy on his christmas break from school. I am completely heartbroken. He says he doesn't want to have anymore kids. So i said, but you were excited and happy to have this baby, what difference would it make to try again?....he responded saying that now we're both getting older, all my risk factors go up, I'm already high-risk and hitting 35 will only make me even higher, he doesn't want anything to happen to me or to go thru another loss...and blah blah blah. I told him that now it isn't even a matter of wanting another baby, now I really need to have another. I was crying and trying to get ready for work so at that point I said we'd talk about it later.

I don't know what to do about this, I feel like i'm losing the baby all over again. Right now, i'm not ready to ttc again, but i know i will be soon and have been thinking about it. I don't know how to make him understand how important this is to me.....leaving him even crossed my mind last night, I don't want to do that but I feel really strongly about this. I'm finally starting to pull out of this depression and now i feel like i'm sinking back in......
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm really sorry hon! My husband mentioned having my tubes tied last week and I totally flipped out on him. I told him I wasn't doing anything permanent to my body and if wanted something permanent done then he can get a vasectomy. My husband won't let anyone one around his penis so I know he won't get one. BUT...he still implied for me to get my tubes tied.

Maybe ask him to hold off until AFTER Christmas and maybe he'll change his mind. I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this too. I'm here if you need to talk.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Man, that is a tough one!! I would feel terrible in your shoes.. and desperate for him not to do that! Try to be calm and talk to him gently. Men are like mules. The harder we push, the harder they push back, so try to see if you can nicely persuade him to atleast wait and think about it for a while (a LONG while) Hang in there. I know this feels devastating.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm in your shoes right now. I would ask him to wait until after the holidays before any decision is made. It's not just his decision but both of yours. I do hope he will come around but I don't think they understand how empty we feel and how much we REALLY NEED it just to survive. My heart goes out to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry sweetie. Everyone has such a different way of dealing with pain. I think it is more that he never wants to go through this again and this is the way he KNOWS it will never happen again. Tell him you understand the pain and the loss and that you are goin through it too. Ask him to wait at least 6 months before making such a permanent decision. Promise to be very careful with whatever prevention method you are using unless he says differently. Make sure you are calm at least when you start this discussion and reinforce that you are trying to deal with the pain of the loss right now and you don't need to add any confusion to it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
the biggest problem is that he didn't want any more before this pregnancy- was on the pill when i got pg- even tho i did. So he's been planning to get the V for awhile now. He doesn't seem to be grieving at all anymore, and i don't know if he realizes that I am.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ask him to wait until a later time. life altering decisions made in grieving times are not good ones usually.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am in a similar situation. My partner didn't want a baby to start with and doesn't want to try again. Mine even went to the extent of telling me to get a hystorectomy. I hope he sees reason and is more obliging for you.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GrassIsGreen

    acknowlodging

    Posted by: GrassIsGreen
    Last Reply: GrassIsGreen
    15
    I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
  • irishwriter

    come unwind in the bp lounge

    Posted by: irishwriter
    Last Reply: MayB
    7908
    theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??