After this very difficult month and having moved into acceptance that my "angels" father wouldn't be willing to try again since it was an accident in the first place. I've had to move through a wall of pain and get into a place of acceptance at the truth that if it was meant to be that I have a child after so many years of not being able to conceive and now I had, only too loose it combined by the clock that the Dr's put into place that I have a very limited time to be "viable" (I still can't believe they used that word) considering I'm 42. Finally I found a place too put the pain and sadness. I've been able to move on one day at a time and one moment at a time. And suprise, I'm given a gift I didn't expect. My angel's father (very dearest friend) approached me last night and shared that he wanted to continue to try and give me this unbelievable gift. I'm left with humility at the opportunity he offers and the love that obviously we share as friends and yet a thread of fear rises up asking "do I really want to endure this again?" And, "what if the child is challenged due to the age of my eggs?"...Life is an ocean, if we turn our back on it the force of change will knock us too our knees. But if we can learn to watch the ebb and flow we can find serenity in the fluidity of our floating like children through our lives and discovering all the opportunities that face us each day. I am thankfull for this site, all of you that have kept me in your prayers and for God who continues, despite my challenged faith, to keep me close to His heart and in the shelter of His plan for me. I am truely blessed...
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