Hello everyone. My name is Rachel and this has been the hardest week of my life. The day after my 23rd birthday my wonderful husband and I found out that we were pregnant. We weren't actively trying; we had stopped birth control but weren't really expecting to get pregnant right away because I had been on birth control for what felt like forever. We were just on top of the world. We started planning and telling people. The Dr. keep saying things looked great! Then Jason (my husband) lost his job. It was extremely hard for us, but we vowed to get through it. He has worked so hard to find another job, one that woud mean I could stop being a professional nanny and stay home with our bundle of joy. Then we went to our 12 week Dr appointment. We were so excited to hear the heart beat. But what we did hear was not a heart beat but the Dr. tell us our baby was not viable. We were just crushed. We decided to have some blood work done to verify, but deep down we both knew. My D&C was scheduled for that Friday. So for almost four days I had to still carry. I just felt so awful. Then the D&C was just so scary. I have never had a blood test before I got pregnant never mind an IV and surgery. The surgery went ok, and today I took another day off work to recover. Each day is a new challange. I just don't know how I will move on. I know I will never forget this, but I need to function in my world and move through life and right now all I know how to do is stop sit and cry. Jason and I have started to realize our baby is in heaven and I wear a star necklace to symbolize our star. And we lite a candle for our baby every time we feel just beyond ourselves. I just wanted to introduce myself and tell my story.
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