I am new here and just wanted to share this with someone :o) I have finally been doing better. I have found time to laugh, I have found time to play. I have kept working toward my goals that I set forth for myself. I am back to work full time. All this positive and just around the corner is two days I have been dreading! Mothers Day and My due date. When I was pregnant me and my husband had this conversation about something he wanted and he said to me "oh you can just get it for me for fathers day " I said "Sure and you can get me ________ (I don't remember what I said ) for mothers day" He said No, you will miss this mothers day b/c the baby is not due until June 3rd " I remember him also briefly talking to his mother about it and her also agreeing with him. I did not take one bit of offence to it at the time b/c I thought I would have many many Mothers Days to look forward too with the baby growing in my belly. I must say now I am terribly saddened by it all. I am a mother I carried our baby for 19 weeks, It had a soul same as anyone else and every soul has a mother correct? I know this is going to be a hard mothers day. It is also opening day for fishing so it is good knowing that there will be something to take my mind off things (somewhat) I am praying my husband is off work that day. I know it is going to be hard. Plus I don't know how other people are going to treat me. Will I be forgotten? Do they think of me as a mother? Also I am quickly approaching my due date!! I cant stop thinking things about what I would be doing instead or how I would look all that stuff. I would be 8 Months; 35 weeks 4 days today! I keep thinking I have not reached the point yet that I am dreading. I still carried Drew for longer than Drew has been gone. I would have had my shower in Fl and I would be planning see my friends and family again soon. But now no one has a reason to come see me. I would be huge. The nursery would be set up. We would so be counting the moments. I can say I have really found watching my waist line shrink good therapy for me, I would much rater see it growing from a baby but taking my health serious has helped. As for my approaching Due Date On the weekend of June 3rd we are planning a mini vacation to Mt.Rushmore. It is not to far away and I really don't want to be here on that day. I am hoping to get pregnant again soon, but I have been hoping for four years to get pregnant soon! The doctor says we need to give it 6 months with out drugs b/c it did happen on it's own. I also still need to be monitored on this whole clotting thing. I have to go back in July for some more test. Another thing that is making it so hard is that we were over the try and then wait two weeks be disappointed and try again in two weeks then wait again thing. Now I find myself doing it all over again! Each month is so hard, it even seems to get harder and harder each month. Also just another side note I did see the doctor for another follow up the other day and the whole clotting thing is still a don't know wait and see, I need follow up testing in a few months and also the doctor confirmed that they were unable to determine the sex of the baby. It passed away at about 17 weeks and I did not find out until 19 week so it was to long before it was removed and it's sex was unrecognizable by that point :o( So we will not know until we meet again.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...