I decided to go to the grocery store today. I woke up this morning going from sad to numb... I figured after spending the morning in bed I should try to be active. I had a decent day yesterday (read my journal on that if you're interested, less sad and a bit hopeful). I was angry and upset (almost deperate) today because I didn't wake up feeling like I did yesterday. Today I felt hopeless. So off I went to the grocery store to make an effort to cheer mysef up... and I cried the entire time. I'm sure everyone thought I was a crazy in there. Thank goodness it was early afternoon and it was fairly empty. I tried to contain the tears but I could not. I've been depressed before, and it's nothing like grieving. I could control my issues before, this is spontaneous and real. I almost left my cart and left. I stuck to my task and then cried all the way home. I don't feel ready to be out in the world and that really frightens me. I'm a Real Estate Agent...on commission... I earn money by engaging with people and it's the last thing I want to do. If this continues next week I will definitely seek professional help.
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