I still hurt and it's been 4 1/2 years now. I put on my smiley face most days and go out and face the world and try to exist. I look at my son and think how blessed I am and on the other hand, I hide my face while tears quietly stream down. I still hurt. My daughter is gone and I cannot be with her. My little girl is not with me. She never cried the day she was born, not one movement, not one tear. I miss her so much still. I cannot crumble everyday anymore or I would not be able to survive. But, my heart breaks when I look into other little girls eyes, somehow I see Savana. I still hurt. I am a mother without one of her children. I still hurt. The hurt I have come to understand will never go away. It has become part of me, a part of me that I draw strength from. I now know that I am not invincible. I am not superwoman or supermom. I am a mother without her child and that hurts. -shonia burch
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