I went back home today for my grandmother's 80th birthday. Everything was fine until my little cousin came in with her newborn baby. I was told that she was pregnant on the day that my baby was due. I am happy for her but it still made me feel a little sad because it seems like it works out for all the women I know that are horrible mothers (not her though), but it couldnt work out for me. No one understands why it took me 2 months to even be able to see my niece after she was born just after I had my miscarriage. I have all these feelings bottled up because everyone is like "just get over it". I'm sorry, I just cant. And now I am in a relationship where I am not happy (with the same man I was with when I got pregnant) and cant even be intimate because he is always afraid that I will get pregnant, and he never wants kids. In my mind I know that I should not be with him. But somehow he always finds a way to get me back. It is a toxic relationship and I am not getting anything I NEED from it. But somehow I cant get myself out. My friends are helpful and say they are there for me but I am in a fairly new town and my closest friend is an hour and a half away. I moved this far away to be with him because he is from here. Why must I change everything about me and my hopes and goals for the rest of my life for a man who treats me like total crap? I dont get it. Anyone else been here? Thanks
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